A character in Jonathan Creek
Played by Caroline Quentin
Jonathan Creek · 40 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Jonathan Creek: in 13 of its 40 quotes
Most scenes with: Jonathan (12)
MaddyWhat's that theory? That absolutely everything that happens in the world is connected to everything else. I read an article once. If a man breaks wind in Hounslow, it can effect a hurricane in Java. I think I know the man they're talking about, he travels on the Circle Line.
MaddyCome on, I've admitted defeat. Let's get on with it; the bit you enjoy, treating me like a moron.
No. The bit where you enjoy making me feel like I'm treating you like a moron. When you're perfectly capable of reasoning it out for yourself if only you'd stop taking things at face value.
MaddyI'm sorry, Jonathan, what level of surrealism are we operating on here?
Y'see, this is where you and everyone else give up. You're making the big mistake of sticking to what's likely rather than what's logical.
[Jonathan has refused to reveal the solution]
MaddyIt's no sweat, y'know. I'll work it out for myself. I've seen everything you've seen. I'm not a complete and utter moron.
[Jonathan starts to leave]
MaddyYes?
I never said anything.
MaddyLook, just give me a leg-up to get me started. Please? Just one tiny hint?
Look to Eric's Spam sandwich. It contains the key to the whole affair.
Did it ever occur to you that someone could have cut it without actually being in the room? Using a high-powered laser through the glass in the ceiling.
MaddyYou are Kidding!
Of course I am, the idea's ridiculous. In fact the way this was worked was so sublimely simple, when I tell you, you'll wonder why you didn't get it in five seconds flat.
How come when I stay at your place you get the bed and I get the sofa, but when you stay at my place you still get the bed and I get the sofa?
MaddyBecause you were being terribly chivalrous and gentlemanly and very solicitous of my welfare [Pause] Don't I get anything to eat?
MaddyWhere do you keep your salt?
See that cupboard just above you? Top Shelf. Right at the back... there's a leaflet from the hospital explaining why it's bad for your arteries.
I'm trying to achieve a level of abstract thought here. Trying to prise this whatever-it-is out of my memory.
MaddyWell what is it? Let me have a go.
I told you, I can't put it into words. It's purely intuitive. It's just a feeling. It won't come into focus until it's ready.
But what you see isn't always what's happening. And what you all saw that night, I've got a horrible feeling, was a very brilliantly conceived hoax.
MaddyHere we go, he's gonna tell us how it was done.
What was it Sherlock Holmes said to Watson?
MaddyGet your kit off and give us a kiss?
MaddySo what's the story on this mother of hers, Marella Carney, the 'Black Canary'? She was big business back in her day, wasn't she?
The problem with Marella Carney was that most of her tricks relied upon the fact that she had a twin sister.
MaddyDon't be ridiculous.
Who, from what I hear, did all the difficult bits. Marella was claustrophobic, so it was her sister who had to climb into all the cabinets and coffins. You can do amazing stuff when you work with a double, but it's not exactly a test of ingenuity.
MaddyYou're telling me there were two of them? They kept that quiet, didn't they?
Well they're hardly going to put in the program notes, are they? 'NB: whilst miraculously escaping from a locked trunk, Miss Carney will be assisted by her twin sister Beryl!' Anyway that was all before the accident of course.
MaddyWhat accident?
It's a bit on the grisly side. Best not discussed.
Maddy[Forcefully] What accident?
Not sure you've got the stomach for it.
MaddyI've got the stomach for it? Don't give me that macho protective number!
Rehearsals one day for one of their big routines. Sister Beryl's strapped down to a bench with an electric buzz saw coming at her. [Maddie looks queasy] Mechanism jammed, the thing just kept coming. She was literally sawn in half.
MaddyOh my god!
Lengthways.
MaddyLENGTHWAYS!?
[Jonathan and Maddy are driving through a snowstorm]
How anyone can drive a car at this time of year without a windscreen washer.
MaddyIt's got a windscreen washer!
Yeah, but it's not much use on the back seat is it?
MaddyThe guy who was gonna fit it did a runner, it's not my fault. A bit of fresh air won't harm you.
[Maddy's interrupted Jonathan's evening]
MaddyI thought I might be useful.
What as? A contraceptive!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jonathan Creek pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
