IZombie · Season 1
I, uh, I taught him a trick. See, when I raise my hand like so and says, "Prance, zombie," he sort of rears up on his little hind legs and prances about.
Really?
Yeah. I also taught him to declaim Hamlet soliloquies. He holds a tiny skull. It's quite something. We're doing Fallon tomorrow.
Shut up.
Live to the max, Miss Moore. Just do it somewhere else.
Liv, you're off the case...
I'm never off the case! The case is in here. [pointing at her head] I'm the freakin' murder victim whisperer.
I haven't been an alcoholic that long, but I can tell you that the only time I woke up before 10 am was when Peyton needed to use the toilet I was passed on.
Thank you for the mental image.
You want to feel better about your mental health? Spend a couple days with some clinically insane people.
I do it every Thanksgiving.
I got a giant Indian to throw a sink through the window and jumped to freedom. Nah, I'm just kidding. I checked myself out.
Careful! Don't open yourself up to the classic reverse Sicilian gambit. That's a chess thing, right?
Sounds more like something a call girl would make you pay extra for.
In the future, remember that I like my information the same way you like your brains.
Unconditional?
Fresh.
[to Liv] It's the world that's crazy, and I've got proof. Zombies are real, Liv. These coolers are full of brains. Now, it's a lot to absorb, I know, but I will explain everything. And don't worry, 'cause I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna kill them all.
[first lines]
[their car just struck a pedestrian] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh my God! What the hell? He came out of nowhere!
Everything comes out of nowhere when your headlights are off, dumbass!
Hey, man, you okay?
Does he look frickin' okay, Nate?
I kinda learned CPR at Seeds of Faith camp. Somebody needs to do chest compressions to the beat of "All for the Best" from Godspell.
Yeah. Let me just rub my DNA all over him. I think not!
I heard about this missing girl. She went to my old high school. My brother Evan's a junior there.
Did he know her?
Only in the way that every boy knows the prettiest girl in high school.
So, from afar, yet intimately.
Can we not talk about high school right now? It's hard not to feel like you've peaked, when you're doing shots of two-week-old liquefied prom queen brain in cold Mexican hot chocolate.
I don't need this right now, you guys. I'm under enough stress as it is. Especially with the Health Inspector showing up twice in as many months.
The Health Inspector came back around?
Yeah, you should've seen this guy. Came in here looking like a catalog model. Was trying to flirt with me. Thinks I'm going to melt because he's got blue eyes and broad shoulders.
Did he have good hair?
What is this bizarre segue that's happening right now?
I'm normally not that much of a cook, but I seemed to have picked up a few things from my Aunt Edna. Guess what I had for lunch yesterday?
I'm thinking Aunt Edna.
That woman practically raised me! She thought I had potential! So, yesterday, she slices her head open on the freezer door and asks me to bandage it. And I'm there, with the bandage. And there's blood. And I'm just so hungry. I couldn't stop myself.
Funny. I've never eaten anyone I didn't want to eat.
[to Major in the deep freeze] This has got to suck. So I've been doing a bit of online research trying to figure out how long you'll survive in here before body parts start falling off, and guess what I discovered? Most of the pertinent data comes courtesy of the Nazis. Yeah. Those Nazis. Great minds, huh? They wanted to know if there was something in Russian genetics that allowed those commie bastards to survive Stalingrad winters. Spoiler alert, there wasn't. Turns out we all freeze to death roughly the same way. But I digress. The point is, they kept meticulous notes. And thanks to those notes, I can keep you in here alive and suffering as long as I want. As long as it takes to get the information I need.
[shivering] Why are you doing this?
Daddy issues. Megalomania. Greed. Wow, that felt really good to get off my chest.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's IZombie pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
