Can I offer you a Vatrushka? Come on. You've got a second shot at life. Indulge.
I'm good.
Well, there's your problem.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[the CI Tanner sees Liv at the police precinct]
You look just like this doll my little sister used to have.
But stay here. You know, you'll have two men living with you, one's practically a Greek god who's turned his body into a finely tuned weapon, and, of course, Major. And either of us would do anything for you.
My new place has a 24-hour doorman and a hot tub.
The Major will serve as our doorman. All right? He's great with doors. The opening. The closing. And I will make sure your tub time's hot as hell.
What does it mean if the guy you're dating isn't on Facebook?
I don't use Facebook. So, nothing?
Hmm.
Or maybe he's married with a bunch of kids.
[Liv takes a photo of Tanner when he doesn't cooperate] What's your Twitter handle, Tanner? Hashtag 'real CI's of Seattle,' hashtag 'riding the U-boat.'
Sally Tiny Tears is freaking me out, man. I can't have people thinking I'm tight with cops.
It's him. What do I do?
Well, he's a zombie with anger issues and a prison record. As far as millennial breakup options go, ghosting him gets my vote.
[Clive hands Agent Bozzio a muffin while her head's flat on her desk]
You should eat. [Bozzio turns her head while looking exhausted] And sleep.
[Bozzio scoffs]
What are you doing on the Seattle PD database?
Looking for background info on Drake. I feel like he might be hiding something. What kind of person doesn't use Twitter or Facebook?
Only a lunatic. How else would he disseminate inspirational quotes and latte art?
[Ravi watches a video of social-media-brain Liv unpack a MorgueTech box]
A hundred and fifty-three people watched you unpack a box. How? Why? Please tell me you're not watching your own vlog.
[Drake receives a phone text] I am so sorry, can we reschedule? My mom's kitchen sink is leaking. Which I know doesn't sound like an emergency, but if I don't handle it, she'll call 911.
Buzzfeed teaches us that when a man abruptly changes his plans, he's up to no good.
[Vaughn Du Clark reads out a tweet from Twitter to Major]
'Max Rager tastes like the ass of a turtle swimming in a dirty river.'
I don't know why he does this to himself.
Thank you, Sambulo21, from Swaziland. Boy, I just love this guy's comprehensive knowledge of how turtle ass tastes.
I'm going to be so upset if you're not telling me the truth. And I don't get mad, Major.
You get even?
Oh, God, no. No, no, no. What's the fun there? I get even with interest. I embrace the Chicago way.
[Vaughn Du Clark reads out a tweet from Twitter]
'Vaughn Douche Clark.' So original.
My dad split, my mom had a string of loser boyfriends. The worst was this mean drunk named Frank. So, I'm 19. I come home and my mom's eye is swollen shut. Blood down the front of her shirt. Frank's just sitting in front of the TV with his hands in his shorts, calling out for another beer like nothing happened. And I just snapped. Went after him. He pulled a knife, that's how I got this. The prosecutor said I went a bit overboard, because Frank still can't walk. Or feed himself.
I'm glad you told me.
Well, I usually wait until date five or six to spring the whole ex-con thing on a girl.
[Ravi sees social-media-brain Liv write a mean food review]
'Real talk? Your sandwich artist was chugging some serious haterade today. No eye contact? Am I a leper? Also, where's the main-from-scratch sriracha? The artisanal pickles?' One star. A bit harsh for Bernie's Sub Shack, don't you think? We eat there once a week.
[Liv keeps typing] Hashtag 'Sorry, not sorry.'
These quotes come from Wikiquote's IZombie pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.