Mary Shannon quotes from In Plain Sight

Mary

[wakes up suddenly to find Brandi going through her closet] You know I sleep with a loaded gun next to me, right?

Mary

[Voiceover] I once dated a man who taught quantum physics. I learned two things that night. The first being, if you ask a quantum physicist to explain how gravity works—not what it is, not how it behaves, but how it works—he will first talk himself in circles, then wind up crying, and finally, sometime between entree and dessert, call you a bitch and leave.

Mary

Is it me, or have we just been wrong all day long?

Mary

[voiceover] People talk too much. People think too much. We're all village idiots, enamored with our shadows, oblivious to the setting sun.

Mary

[to a listening device] Daddy, if this is you and you're listening: I don't need you anymore.

Mary

[discovers a goat boiling on the stove] Holy mother there's a dog in that pot! God help me it smells delicious!

Mary

[on the phone] Raph pick up. I know you're there. Your mother's goat is still on my stove and that's not a sentence I ever wanna say again.

Mary

Let's see. Maybe now that you've sobered up, you realize it's a piece of crap that will lead new inspectors to believe that their bosses are a bunch of out of touch morons and you'd hate to ruin the surprise.

Mary

[voice over] I have this weird tendency to remember almost everything. Big, small, five minutes ago, thirty years ago; it doesn't matter. If I saw it and if it happened on a day that mattered, I knew it forever. I always thought of it as kind of a curse. I mean, do I really need to remember what I had for breakfast May 11, 2007 just because I met a guy in a diner that I'm now gonna marry; denver omlette, extra cheese, or what shirt my dad was wearing two days before my seventh birthday when he walked out the door and never came back? White button down, navy pinstripe. No. But I do. I remember almost everything, except the one thing I have to.

Mary

[to fleeing suspect] I swear to God, if I popped a stitch, I'm going to shove that dog up your ass and let him bark his way up your throat.

Mary

[Voice over] We forget sometimes how much the world can hurt. It can hurt people we love, people we don't, people caught in the middle, even people who would give anything if they could just never ever get hurt again, but sometimes the hurt can't be avoided. It's just coming at us and can't be stopped. It's in us and can't be seen, or it's lying next to us in the dark, waiting but sometimes it doesn't come at all. Sometimes we get this other thing that flutters down out of nowhere and stays just long enough to give us hope. Sometimes rarely, barely, but just when we need it the most and expect it the least, we get a break.

Mary

[voiceover] There's a researcher who claims he can tell if a couple is going to break up based on how they talk to each other. An ability I've had since I was five, without NIH funding. I just looked up at my parents and thought "nope." It took a six figure gambling debt, an alcoholic spiral and an FBI manhunt before they finally came to the same conclusion. It can take many forms but the worst are the ones who should have known better. The ones who rushed in, got hitched and now they don't know how to get out of it. They look like marmots, trapped in a cage.

Mary

[voiceover] I pride myself on being able to tell when a relationship won't work, and normally I love being right more than anything. More than Blue Moon beer, Exxon on Main Street, food smothered in mole sauce, but sometimes it's good to be wrong.

Mary

[voiceover] My dad once said time kills everything; hope, health, dreams, even love. He told me this on my birthday. I'd just turned six. Then he gave me my present, a pet rock, which I later used in an incident I'd regret. I'm not sure I got it at the time, but I get it now: everything we love is eventually murdered by the hands of time.

Mary

[voiceover] Some say love is the only thing we have that is real. Some say life would be a whole lot better without it. For me, the jury's still out. I loved that pet rock my dad gave me because it was from him. Then I threw it at Robert Kwame. Hit him right in the temple. He went down like a Christmas tree in January. I loved Robert, I just wanted to make sure he knew it. I think he did. He ended up being my first kiss.