Hustle · Season 3
You gotta get us a decent place, Ash.
I'm workin' on it.
[Frustrated] Can you work on it quicker, please?
Yeah, we've been through every major hotel in London. The couple we could've used you nosed up with dodgy credit cards.
Not being funny, mate, okay. We need a new gaff 'cause I can smell cats.
Look, I told you, I'm workin' on it, all right?
All right, how about I share a room with Stacie, then, make things a bit more bearable.
Eew, for who?
[Ash pays for drinks with a ten-pound note, which Eddie checks for authenticity]
I had three dodgy tenners last week.
Yeah, well not from me, you didn't.
[Whispering simultaneously to each other] Danny.
Can I ask you something?
No.
Only, unless I'm missing something, you don't seem to get much in the way of female company.
I do all right.
When?
When I'm as far away from you as possible.
You see, I get loads.
[Laughs] Yeah, well, you get loads because you're not as choosy as I am.
Hey mate, it's all the same when the lights are out.
You really believe that, don't you?
All right, all right. What do you look for in a bird, then?
Wit, elegance, femininity...
Me too. And if they've got a humongous pair of jugs, bingo!
[Danny and Mickey’s rivalry escalates further]
I bet I’ve got a bigger willy than you.
So Henderson issued a challenge.
Which was?
The truest test of a grifter's skill. They were both dropped off in the middle of New York at noon... naked.
[Stunned] What?
Naked?
...As the day they were born. Henderson and Devlan agreed to meet that very evening at six pm to compare spoils and see who had accumulated the most.
That's brilliant. That's brilliant! Let's do it!
[Stacie and Mickey laugh]
[Trails off from laughing] Oh God, he's serious.
You can't lead your own crew.
Why not?
Because you're immature, irresponsible, reckless, empty-headed and impulsive.
[Cheerfully] But apart from all that! I'm ready!
[Danny doesn't quite understand the stock market con]
This is nuts.
[Danny jumps off a small platform onto a crash mat and falls on the landing]
No, no, no. When you land you need to bend your knees, Danny. All right? And if you're coming in fast, you bend and you roll.
So, Ash, are we ready?
[Ash nods]
Whoa! Whoa, whoa! All we've done is jump off a box twice!
[Deadpan] Would you like to do it again?
You said I'd have proper training!
Danny, how hard can it be? You jump and then you land! We've covered it.
Well, what if the reserve don't open?
All right, okay, look, if the reserve doesn't open there's a standard procedure, all right?
Tell me that!
All right, now, you grab the knees of your jumpsuit and you lean forward. Go on.
[Danny adopts this position]
Like that?
Further. [Danny bends over more] That's it, good. Yeah. Stick your head between your legs.
And you kiss your ass goodbye.
So, how many jumps have you done?
A few.
What about you, Danny?
[Clearly terrified] Oh, God!!!
[Smiles awkwardly] He's quite new.
[Mickey and Danny are about to skydive]
[Nearly hysterical] Okay, okay, I resign!! I don't want to be a grifter anymore! I want to be a postman!
[Going to the plane door] Okay!
[He gestures for Danny to come, but Danny has shut his eyes in fear]
Think about Albert!
[Moves to go with Mickey] I hate you!!!
[Jokingly] I hate you too! Come on!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hustle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
