J. H. Brodie quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Brodie

Giardello and Russert just showed up.

Howard

Well, you know what that means, huh, buddy?

Munch

Congratulations Timmy. It's a bouncing baby red-ball. Got any cigars?

Pembleton

Where's your mustache?

Brodie

Oh, I'm trying a new look right now.

Pembleton

Well, stop trying.

Munch

How could anybody be too old for 101 Dalmatians? It's universal; It's like Homer: a great journey of the heart disguised as an adventure story.

Brodie

With dogs.

Brodie

Bayliss threw me out. Lewis says I'm wrecking his marriage. Everybody hates me. I'm going to go live in a cardboard box.

Howard

Just try and get one from a Frigidaire 28ZGE. They're the biggest.

Brodie

The rights of the suspect. Give me your thoughts.

Pembleton

You are a citizen of a free nation. Having lived your adult life in a land of guaranteed civil liberties, you commit a crime of violence, whereupon you are jacked up, dragged down to Police Headquarters and deposited in a claustrophobic anteroom containing three chairs, a table, and cold brick walls. Have a seat, please. And there you sit for a half hour or more until a homicide detective, a man who can in no way be mistaken for a friend, enters the room. He offers you a cigarette, not your brand, and begins an uninterrupted monologue which wanders back and forth for a half hour or so, eventually coming to rest in a familiar place: you have the right to remain silent.

Brodie

What are you focusing on when you first sit down with a suspect?

Pembleton

The detective has informed you of your rights. He wants you to be protected, he says. Because, he says, there's nothing that concerns him more than giving you every possible assistance in this very confusing and stressful moment in your life.

Howard

The detective wants you to know, and we've been doing this a lot longer than you have, so you can take our word for it. Your rights to counsel aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Pembleton

Once you actually up and call for that lawyer, son, there ain't a damn thing we can do for you. No, sir, your good friends in the Homicide Unit are gonna have to lock you all alone in this room. And the next authority figure to scan your case will be a no-nonsense prosecutor from the Violent Crimes Unit, with the official title "Assistant State's Attorney for the City of Baltimore."

Munch

And God help you then, because a ruthless blood-sucker like that'll have an O'Donnell Heights motorhead like yourself halfway to the gas chamber before you get three words out.

Kellerman

Your best bet is to speak up. Speak up now.

Munch

Ah, provolone and onion. Bland and zing. Soft and crunch. The Yin and Yang of sandwich filling.

Brodie

Only a man with no woman in his life eats extra onion for lunch.