Frank Pembleton quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Kellerman

What do you do for fun, Frank?

Pembleton

Define "fun".

Kellerman

Fun is when you do something exciting, maybe dangerous, with the possibility that you're gonna feel really good before it's all over.

Pembleton

Oh, you mean work.

Kellerman

No, I don't mean work. I mean... sucking unfiltered Camels until you get headaches and snagging a 50-pound marlin on the line, and guzzling Wild Turkey until you puke, and running around the block all night and shooting pool for money against mentally defective bikers. Stuff like that.

Pembleton

I don't have time for fun.

Kellerman

Then what the hell gets you up in the morning? You gotta believe in something.

Pembleton

Well, you can't believe in fun. That's not a faith.

Kellerman

Fun is my god, Frank. I worship fun, I live for fun, and when I die, I hope that I'm having fun. Like that upstate car dealer, -- You remember him? He had a heart attack while nailing his beautiful, young mistress. Came and went. Now, that's the way to die.

Pembleton

Smoke a cigarette, please.

Kellerman

You know, he shouldn't leave a department vehicle running like that.

Lewis

Yeah, could get stolen.

Kellerman

Lieutanant said take the first car in.

Lewis

We shouldn't.

Kellerman

You're right.

Lewis

Grand theft auto, baby. [they drive off in the car, as Pembleton comes back out]

Pembleton

You sons of bitches!

Bayliss

And why does every question that is put to you have to end up like a discussion on Meet The Press? Just answer the damn question, "Como se fue su fin de semana?" How was your weekend, Frank?

Pembleton

May I? It el suck-oed the big-o weiner-o. There, I'm bilingual.

Bayliss

You are the ugly American.

Pembleton

Don't get personal.

Bayliss

Business or pleasure?

Pembleton

One doesn't carry a beeper for pleasure.

Bayliss

Hookers do.

Pembleton

Prostitution is business; not pleasure.

Bayliss

Yeah, I still don't get that.

Pembleton

Then why did you get into her car?

Bayliss

You wanted us to catch you?

Well, like they say in nursing homes all over the country, "Bingo!"

Bayliss

So what would you do if someday your son comes home from school and says hey dad, meet Jason here, he's my new boyfriend, what would you do then?

Pembleton

I don't know Tim. I don't like to guess about my reaction to some hypothical situation, but I'd like to think that if two Homicide Detectives come to my door, unlike Zeke Lafeld's father, I would not be relieved my child is dead.

Bayliss

I'm not a homophobe.

Pembleton

Okay.

Bayliss

I'm not.

Pembleton

You don't hafta repeat yourself. I'm your partner. I believe every word you say.

Pembleton

And I broke the first rule of being a detective. I assumed that Zeke Lafeld was homosexual.

Bayliss

Well, it's what people do, Frank. It's human nature.

Pembleton

Yes, it is human nature to kill someone simply because their sexual orientation is different.

Bayliss

People get afraid. Threatened.

Pembleton

People? That's you and me, Tim. Grown-ups. Why is it that children don't care about such things?

Bayliss

As adults we get socialized. We learn to behave.

Pembleton

No, no, no. We learn to hate.

Bayliss

If wallets were meant to be carried in the front pocket, they'dve been made that way.

Pembleton

They are.

Bayliss

Says who?

Pembleton

The info never gets around to you, does it?

Munch

Don't tell me you're watching soap operas again.

Bayliss

It's what we have instead of a sex life, Munch. Leave us alone.

Pembleton

What about you? How come you're so mu-si-cal this morning?

Munch

Today's no different than any other day. I'm still the same miserable me.

Bayliss

No, no. You were singing.

Munch

Was I?

Mmm-hmm.

Munch

I didn't realize.

It's alright for you to be scared for me but it's not alright for me to be scared for you? What do you think I feel every day seeing you go out?

Pembleton

This is different!

No it isn't, you always tell me 'it's the job', 'it's the job', well you know what, Frank? This is MY job. And I'm not leaving until it's done.

Pembleton

It wasn't your job to save Mariner's life. Why does his death bother you?

Bayliss

I was the primary, Frank!

Pembleton

YOU DID YOUR JOB! Nine names in red turned into nine names in black and if Mariner wasted himself, so what?

Bayliss

Wait a second, YOU are always telling me how you see ALL lives as being as important.

Pembleton

Yeah well if I was God, I'd have a hard time taking Mariner's death, and the deaths of nine innocent people and weighing them the same.

Pembleton

Why do people choose cloth seats? Look how they absorb stains. Leather's the way to go for precisely this reason.

Bayliss

I agree.

I should've never let MC talk me out of the cleaning deposit. Said he was anal retentive about dirt. I thought that was a good quality in a tenant.

Pembleton

Law abiding is better.

Bayliss

If your husband was sentenced to death, why would you kill yourself and orphan your son?

Pembleton

Well Tim, you're the primary in this quickly deepening quagmire, I'll leave that question for you to answer.

Bayliss

Thanks. Hope you get polyps.