Joe Dawson quotes from Highlander: The Series

Joe

Hey MacLeod, what do you think? Is it me?

Duncan

The truth? I'd say it's a little out of character.

Joe

You know, I wasn't born in a museum. In fact, I'm kinda tired of hanging around old antiques like you. Look at me, I'm growing old.

Duncan MacLeod

Joe, I want you to meet Amanda. Amanda... Joe Dawson.

Amanda

I'll bet you have. I hear you're one of those guys who likes to watch.

Joe

It's clinical. For history. We don't get involved.

Amanda

Well, tell me... Do you watch us do... everything?

Joe

Only the things I can't get arrested for.

Amanda

[to MacLeod] I like this guy.

Amanda

I've lived a long time, Joe. What goes around comes around.

Joe

You really believe that's true?

Amanda

I believe it should be.

Duncan

You can't kill him with that, Joe.

Joe

I know, but I can sure as hell slow him down until I can.

Duncan

You won't get close enough to use it. Let me do this... For both of us.

Duncan MacLeod

Joe? What's up?

Joe

You've got trouble.

Duncan

How come you never call with good news?

Duncan

Come on, Joe. Methos doesn't exist.He's a legend... like Adam and Eve. The oldest Immortal.

Joe

Oh, he exists all right.

Duncan

Are you telling me you've seen him?

Joe

Me? No. He's an elusive guy. Have to be, to live as long as he has. An Immortal so old he doesn't remember the time of his birth.

Joe

That went well. What the hell were you thinking of?

Methos

I wasn't thinking, I was improvising.

Joe

By cutting yourself open? And it took you five thousand years to figure that out.

Methos

You're disappointed in me, aren't you? Gimme a break. What were you expecting? Einstein? Freud? Buddha?

Joe

Forget it.

Methos

Sorry, Joe. I'm just a guy.

Methos

I've got a lot to offer. Five thousand years of history, Joe...I was there.

Joe

History's been written. People have been known to kill the messenger who waltzes in with a new version of the truth.

Methos

Why would I tell the truth?

Methos

Excuse me, if I sat at a table, would you be my waitress?

(to Joe) Is he a good tipper?

Joe Dawson

No.

Alexa

Well. Too bad. Makes up for it in cute, though.

Methos

Cute. I can do cute.

Methos

I'm, uh, Adam Pierson.

Alexa

Where are you from?

Methos

Umm...

Alexa

Your accent. Your not from here.

Methos

No, I've traveled a lot.

Alexa

Really?!?! Paris?

Methos

Paris is too full of Parisians. Even the French don't like Paris.

Alexa

Venice?

Methos

Venice, the smell alone would kill you.

Alexa

A little young to be so cynical, aren't you?

Methos

Well, if you say so.

Alexa

I just did. (leaves)

Methos

What did I say?

Joe

Ah, forget it, Alexa's not your type, OK?

Methos

Where's Alexa? We have a date.

Joe

She called in sick.

Methos

Where does she live?

Joe

Adam, she doesn't want to see you, OK? Just leave her alone.

Methos

Joe, I didn't ask for your opinion. I know she's dying, OK. You are all dying. 20 years, 6 months, what's the difference?

Joe

She's protecting herself. She's protecting you, don't you get it?

Methos

Yes, I get it! Now tell me where she lives.

Joe

I know who I am. I've been a Watcher for more than twenty-five years. It's as much a part of me as your clan MacLeod is to you.

Duncan

Then for once, keep your vow. Don't interfere.

Duncan

You're out of the Watchers?

Joe

Maybe it's too late... or maybe it's about time. Like Mrs. Wischnoff used to say in my old neighbourhood -- Meit ein tuchas can Meir nisht danzen a tsvai hossannas.

Duncan

Yeah - With one ass, a man can't dance at two weddings.

Joe

You know you were right. I couldn't be both your Watcher and your friend.

Duncan

You mind telling me what you find funny about this?

Methos

Not exactly funny, but pretty entertaining, yeah.

Joe Dawson

Just what is so entertaining?

Methos

MacLeod tussling with another of his moral dilemmas.

Duncan

You know there are times I really don't like you.

Methos

That's OK, sometimes I don't like myself.

Joe

I see. Ingrid Henning.

Methos

Hey, ask Joe about her.

Duncan

I don't have to ask Joe about her. I know about her. She failed to kill Hitler in '44 and she's been making up for it ever since.

Joe

I guess it's just you and me Richie. I can't believe it's been a year already. I wish I could tell you why this happened. That it all makes sense now...But I can't. I'm sorry.

Duncan

He knows why.

Joe

Well, welcome back.

Duncan

I'm glad you stayed in Paris.

Joe

Somebody had to. [pause] I buried him with his sword. I didn't know what else to put on the headstone... It seemed right.

Duncan

'Friend' is good. Because that's what he was.