A character in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
Played by Michael Hurst
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys · 67 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys: in 22 of its 67 quotes
Most scenes with: Hercules (8), Autolycus (6), Xena (3)
IolausDon't doubt me, Lykus. I've fried bigger fish than your She-demon. You know? When Hercules and I were-- battling the Titans-- we were up against bearded behemoths-- eight feet tall-- no ten-- even twelve. We still managed to beat back two waves of those ugly brutes. (chuckles) I tell ya-- my head was echoing with the clang of swords for weeks after that-- oh, yeah.
IolausOh, there's nothing like a bit of exercise to get the old blood flowing.
Speak for yourself.
IolausOh, come on, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it, Hercules. I saw that look on your face!
Well, then you better remember it, because I'm not gonna wear it again.
How can you call this Hercules a hero? He's too busy ravaging his own home to help anybody. He must be crazy. You people think it doesn't matter 'cause the blood of Zeus runs in his veins.
Iolaus[Iolaus overhears this and slams his drink down] Hey! Why don't you pipe down till you know what you're talking about?
I know what I saw with my own eyes, that's all I'm saying.
IolausYou didn't look into his heart, if ya did you've would've seen it was broken.
You don't make anymore sense then Hercules did.
Iolaus[Iolaus grabs him] He lost his family. You understand that? They were swept away in a fireball sent down by his stepmother.
The goddess, Hera?
IolausShe's a murdering bitch. And his father's no better. Zeus turned his back on his own blood.
Where's your respect for the gods?
IolausIn a pig trough, where it belongs. Hercules deserves our respect now-- and our sympathy.
Iolaus(thinking up a plan, whispers) Take your dress off!
(incredulously) Couldn't that wait until after you rescue us?
IolausTake it off!
(Lydia slaps him)
What are you doing?
IolausI'm lighting a fire!
If he was really your friend, he wouldn't have come here and tried to interfere.
IolausWell I guess you're right, Xena. It's just -- I've never been on a different side to Hercules before.
You didn't let that stop you from standing up to him. You were a true warrior.
IolausIf I was anything less, you wouldn't want me here.
You've turned out to be everything I thought Hercules would be. But Hercules -- I can be fierce and violent, Iolaus, you've seen that for yourself. But to hear Hercules say what he said -- it was like having a dagger plunged through my heart.
IolausI've ended my friendship with him.
Then you must be in pain, too.
IolausNot as long as I'm with you.
Come to bed when you're finished with your sword. I'll be waiting.
IolausCome on! (Hercules and Iolaus fight) Fight, damn it! Quit acting like you're too good for me!
I have never been too good for you! I'm just trying to stay alive long enough for you to come to your senses!
IolausIt's not every day I meet a beautiful woman that wants to wash my back.
Oh, I will do more for you than that, Iolaus...much more.
IolausYou do this for all your warriors?
Only special ones.
IolausOh, I hope there aren't too many of those.
Right now, there's just you.
IolausI can't believe you'd show your face here.
Stay out of this, Iolaus. My fight's with Xena, not you.
IolausDon't push me aside! You're the one that attacked Xena and killed the warrior with her.
Xena! Let's go. Quickly!
Is that the best you've got? Ha! Bring it on!
IolausBoy, you know how to show a guy a good time.
Don't talk, fight!
Maybe you don't count so well. There's six of us and there's two of you.
Good point. Iolaus, what do you think? Six to two?
IolausWell, it's not really fair. Maybe we should let them go.
You can go!
(fight starts)
IolausWhat in Tartarus is that?
It's some sort of cocoon.
IolausWhat for? A giant butterfly?
Somehow I don't think it's going to turn out to be that friendly.
[scream is heard offstage]
IolausHow come you're always right?
It's a half-god thing.
Hercules! Ah, whatever your name is. What a pleasant surprise!
I wish I could say the same, Autolycus. Isn't stealing the king's gold a little beneath you?
How good of you to notice. You see, I figure, every so often, a fella just has to go back to basics. Besides, the king, ahh, he's plenty rich. What about the needs of the people?
IolausOh, come on! You don't care about the people.
Of course, I do. I happen to be one of them. Well, as much as I've enjoyed this little reunion, I haven't enjoyed it that much. Good day.
Where's Artemis' bow?
Ah, my fame spreads like wildfire.
IolausNope, like a bad rash.
Listen, you and I both know if the big guy could talk, he would tell us not to stick our necks out for him. Besides, he loves being a pig. Just look at the little guy. (Iolaus pushes him up against a tree)
IolausThis is all just a joke to you, isn't it?
You little— (Iolaus pushes him up against the tree again)
IolausWell, let me tell you something, buddy. Hercules is the best friend I ever had. And yeah, you're right, he wouldn't want us to risk our necks to save him, which is exactly why we're going to. Now, he'd do the same for me – even for you.
Well, much as I hate to admit it, you've got a point.
IolausRight. Now, come on.
Just one more thing, buddy-boy. You touch me again and I'll—
IolausWhat?
I'll… be just as upset then as I am now?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hercules: The Legendary Journeys pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
