Loona quotes from Helluva Boss

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Scenes with Loona 11

[to Millie] I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Its very simple.

Loona

Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.

[to Loona] You sit! Sit on, a... in the... DO YOUR JOB!!!!!

Hey! now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, Okay?

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[After hearing a graphically lewd rant from Stolas over the phone, Blitzo smashes his phone up and puts the pieces in a blender, blending it into a smoothie, which Loona immediately drinks]

Eat this, and you know that bridge over the freeway?

Loona

Yeah?

SHIT OFF IT.

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[Moxxie tries to aim at a picture of the target family with a crossbow, but he's shaking too much]

Moxxie, stop shakin'. You're gonna kill our only Hellhound.

Loona

[lounging back on the couch, holding the target picture up with one hand, browsing her phone with the other; sarcastically] Wow, I feel so loved here.

Just take a deep breath...[demonstrates an inhale] and let it out.

But...it's a family! Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?

I mean, if that's what the client wants...

Maybe like a shitty dad or [in a Don Corleone-like voice] a mob family. That's understandable. [normal voice] But to eradicate an entirely innocent, seemingly innocent, upper-middle class family bloodline?!

Loona

[after a look at the picture] Hey, you don't know they're innocent. This kid probably sets dogs on fire, maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, and this guy? This guy definitely watches.

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[to a departing Mrs. Mayberry] Bye, and don't worry - we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours, or your first kill is free!

When did we start implementing that deal?

When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!!! Now someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!

Loona

You mean our only ticket to the other side? [holds out the Grimoire] Yeah, got it.

[fawning] And that's why you're my favourite, Loony! You get a treat now. [holds out a dog biscuit]

Loona

Eww, stop. [Blitz tosses it in the air, catches it with his tongue and eats it] You're SO gross!

[flattered] Aww, stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist. Now let's go lick some ass!

[after creating a portal] The expression is "kick some ass", Blitz. [steps through it]

Mine's better. [follows her]

[follows them, groaning] Ohh, fuck...!

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[regarding Verosika; quietly] Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that.

Loona

[from the van] You know Verosika Mayday?!

Huh? Oh, yeah, her. Yeah, we dated.

[popping out of the van with Moxxie] Was that before or after she became a pop star?

You dated a pop star?!

Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shock?

Loona

Hello, it's Verosika Mayday?

It's you?

I just... Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?

Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives.

YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME, SIR!

Come on, you kinda do that.

Loona

You totally do that.

[grinning naughtily] What was sex with her like?

[taken aback] Millie!

What?! It's a pop star! You'd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like!

... Touché.

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Loona

Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?

Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie, spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!

[Blitz, Loona, Moxxie and Millie all give the camera disapproving looks]

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Loona

FUCK, BLITZ!!! WHY CAN'TYOU STAY OUT OF MY FACE FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES?!!

Because I adopted you! And that should mean something!

Loona

Oh, what does it matter?! You’re not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!

It still counts!

Loona

Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't now!

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[Loopty Goopty smashes his way into I.M.P.'s office]

LGLoopty Goopty

Do not be afraid!

Please tell me you got that insurance thing.

[taking out her axe] Who are you, and what do you want?!

LLoopty

I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!

Loona

Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.

LLoopty

I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric SHIIIIT!

[sniffs him] Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?

LLoopty

YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!

Loona

Just sayin' - the front door would've gotten you here fine.

LLoopty

Shut up, dear furry!

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VVikki

OMJ, Loona? Lunatic Loona? That you?

Loona

Uh, yeah. It's Loona, yeah.

VVikki

Wow, I can't believe you're showing up to another party. I mean, do you even remember the last one?

Loona

[becoming annoyed] I'm sure you'll remind me.

VVikki

Yeah, this...[taps on her phone and shows a picture of Loona throwing up] This you, right?

Loona

[Angrily growling, through clenched teeth] Why do you still have that?

VVikki

It brings me joy. You know, you're supposed to keep things that bring you joy. [Loona growls louder, baring her teeth] Wow, you're being very negative. Your aura is really aggressive right now.

Loona

Oh yeah? Well, maybe it's because I'm in the presence of a massive BITCH!

[Partygoers gasp; Vikki nearly faints dramatically]

VVikki

Oh...my dog. Wow.

Loona

What?! Is that not an okay thing to say? Like, c'mon, it's true!

PPartygoer

[offscreen] You can't say that.

[Loona angrily frowns]

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BEBee-Elzubub

[Approaches Vortex & Loona after her song] Ow-ow! Vortex! The party is buzzing now, FUCK! I feel like I went a little too hard with the confetti this time, though. I have, like, a rainbow in my vagina right now. [Loona's jaw drops; Bee notices her for the first time] Oh, hey, is this the sweet pup you were telling me about?

Loona

Excuse me?

BBee

She's a fucking cutie! Where've you been hiding, girl? [chuckles]

Loona

Is there something funny?

BBee

Nah, I'm just high on all of this tasty energy right now! Tex says you don't get invited out much. I hope this little itty-bitty gettogether could serve as a fun first time.

Loona

[sees another party attendee slide down the stair railing and hitting his groin on the newel post before falling over; unamused] Mmhmm.

BBee

I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphagor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. SO fucking lame. I mean, I usually just steal them, but Belle changed the locks. She says I'm a total jackass for trying, but hey–I'm proud to be a total jackass. [creates a bottle of beer and chugs it down]

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[Loona drives her and a drunk Blitzo from the party]

Loona

...Do you need to throw up?

[Almost like a pouty child] No.

Loona

Heh, yeah, you do.

[Loona carries Blitzo into their apartment, laying him on the couch, then returning with a blanket and a glass of water]

I had a really shitty day.

Loona

Yeah? Is that why you drank, like, 5 gallons' worth of who-knows-what?

Fuck, Fizz was right: I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. [Loona gives a look of concern] Will you be there, Loonie?

Loona

Be where?

[Mumbling] I dunno, just...lonely...die alone...

Loona

[Covers Blitzo with the blanket] I'll be there...Dad. Now go the fuck to sleep, okay? [Goes to her bedroom]

[Mumbling] Millie...Moxxie...Stolas...[Lifts his head and vomits heavily on the floor] Fuck! Yeah, I did need to throw up.