Blitz quotes from Helluva Boss

Blitz

[Moxxie claims Blitz lives a lonely life; Millie tries to coerce him from angering Blitz] No, no no no, It's fine, Mills, its just your husband is, how do I say this without being offensive? Retarded.

Moxxie

[to Millie] I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Its very simple.

Loona

Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.

Moxxie

[to Loona] You sit! Sit on, a... in the... DO YOUR JOB!!!!!

Blitz

Hey! now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, Okay?

Moxxie

[to Millie] Honey, could you get the butter?

Millie

Sure, sweetie.

Blitz

Spoiler alert: The butter's spoiled. [Millie giggles]

Moxxie

What's funny, honey?

Blitz

Really impressive wordplay.

Moxxie

WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!

Blitz

Watcha dreamin' about?

I was dreaming my parents were being murdered. But now, I'd like to go back to that.

Blitz

[to a departing Mrs. Mayberry] Bye, and don't worry - we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours, or your first kill is free!

Moxxie

When did we start implementing that deal?

Blitz

When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!!! Now someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!

Loona

You mean our only ticket to the other side? [holds out the Grimoire] Yeah, got it.

Blitz

[fawning] And that's why you're my favourite, Loony! You get a treat now. [holds out a dog biscuit]

Loona

Eww, stop. [Blitz tosses it in the air, catches it with his tongue and eats it] You're SO gross!

Blitz

[flattered] Aww, stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist. Now let's go lick some ass!

Millie

[after creating a portal] The expression is "kick some ass", Blitz. [steps through it]

Blitz

Mine's better. [follows her]

Moxxie

[follows them, groaning] Ohh, fuck...!

Blitz

[after Moxxie fails to shoot the family] What the FUCK was that, Moxxie?!

[wheezes and gasps] I'm sorry! They just seemed so wholesome and happy... I panicked!

Blitz

Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leechin' off your momma's tits! Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby-dicked PRICK--! [Martha shoots through the wall, injuring his arm] AHH! A new hole! 'SCATTER! [they run away]

Stolas

[on the phone to Blitz] I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors. Doesn't that sound... enticing?

Blitz

[dodging Martha's gunshots] You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay?! I'm tryin' to concentrate on not getting FUCKED IN MY "A"!

Satan! We return your filthy creatures to back to the pits of Hell! May the root of evil remain honoured as we continue thy work! [tosses her torch on the pyre, igniting a blaze]

Blitz

[after a moment] Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't really hurt us, but, I mean, I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard. [smirks and makes a crude gesture with his tail]

Blitz

WHAT?!

Stolas

Why, hello, my big-dicked Blitzy.

Blitz

WHAT...

Octavia

...THE...

Blitz

...FUCK...

Octavia

...DAD?!

Stolas

Language, everyone!

Blitz

[Robo-Fizz calls him out] Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo-ripoff of an overrated sell-out JESTER!

Oooh, [glitches as he says this] someone's salty! Real or not, though, people looove me! Does anybody looove you, Blitzo?

Blitz

No. But I'm really good with guns now! [loads his assault rifle with a new magazine] Dance, bitch!

Blitz

[to someone who takes his parking spot] Oh, you "Suck 4 Life", do ya?! [pulls out a megaphone] Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum-dump! You've got exactly three seconds to get the fuck out of my spot or, [he realizes that the driver is his ex girlfriend, Verosika Mayday] Oh, SHIT! Verosika?!

Blitzo.

Blitz

I should have known you'd be here. I can smell fish for miles, which is odd, because I believe the nearest ocean is THREE RINGS DOWN!

And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts.

Loona

Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?

Blitz

Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie, spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!

Loona

FUCK, BLITZ!!! WHY CAN'TYOU STAY OUT OF MY FACE FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES?!!

Blitz

Because I adopted you! And that should mean something!

Loona

Oh, what does it matter?! You’re not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!

Blitz

It still counts!

Loona

Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't now!

Blitz

Am I interrupting something here?

[calmly] Nah, man. Just a conversation.

Blitz

Conversation leads to HPV!