Duke quotes from Haven

Duke

By the way, you looked nice in that dress last night.

Audrey

There it is again. Nice.

Nathan

[seeing aging Duke having trouble getting out of the car] You okay? You need a hand?

Duke

When you're nice to me, it reminds me that I'm dying.

Nathan

Well, hurry the hell up, then.

Duke

Thank you.

Audrey

Do you remember the woman he was making out with at the bar on Friday night?

Duke

I think it's very sweet you still say making out.

Nathan

You went home with her just like that?

Duke

No, Nathan. First I passed her a note in study hall.

Duke

Do you really hate me?

Nathan

Hate's a strong word.

Duke

Are you crying?

Audrey

No.

Duke

Cause' crying will not be tolerated.

Audrey

Shut up. I am so armed.

Duke

For the record, this place gives me the heebie jeebies.

Audrey

Huh. I had you pegged as one of the cool kids.

Audrey

For the record, no one was cool in high school. Not even me.

Nathan

Parker, you don't need to be on the clock 24-7. Go.

Duke

Wow. Nathan Wuornos being magnanimous is a rare and beautiful...

Nathan

Please, take him and go.

Audrey

All right, great, thank you.

Duke

I was giving you a compliment. I'm just saying, that was legitimate, from the heart.

Nathan

Kind of busy here, Duke.

Duke

You say that as if I come looking for you, ever.

Nathan

Duke, Go!

Duke

I'm off like a dirty shirt.

Miss Parker, do you have a favorite nut?

Audrey

Excuse me?

Duke

I think he means, other than Nathan...

Just how did you meet these fine gentlemen?

Duke

A friend introduced us. He said they like to play poker.

Did he also say they liked to kidnap their opponents and drag them out to the open sea?

Duke

I'm picking up on your sarcasm.

Nathan

Do you remember third grade?

Duke

I remember you really liked the Pet Shop Boys.

Nathan

Spring. You waited inside for me with a bunch of your friends after gym class. You're all smiling, congratulating me.

Duke

Do we have to do this right now?

Nathan

Yep.

Duke

Okay. Okay. I told you that Carla Rose had a crush on you.

Nathan

I felt like I won the lottery.

Duke

Nathan, that was 25 years ago.

Nathan

You all slapped me on the back. Remember that? "Go talk to her. Talk to her." So I walked down the hall and I got up to her and I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. I finally open my mouth enough to actually tell her that I liked her too...

Duke

She screamed.

Nathan

Screamed because there was blood dripping down my back. From?

Duke

The tacks that we stuck in it.

Nathan

When you were "congratulating me." You had a pool going on how many you guys could stick in my back before I noticed.

Duke

Sixteen.

Nathan

Sixteen.

Duke

Nathan, if it wasn't for me, you never would have even talked to her.

Nathan

I didn't talk to another girl for two years after that!

Duke

I was eight years old!

Nathan

Uh, so was I.

Nathan

You know, uh, Haven PD doesn't have a special agent.

Duke

Oh, come on now. You can't tell me that wasn't special.

Nathan

I hear you're afraid of Max Hansen.

Duke

Ah, screw it. Normally I'd try to act all manly, but, yeah, I'm terrified. Why do you ask?

Nathan

Make it a lot easier on you if he was dead, wouldn't it?

Duke

Are you offering?

Audrey

Where were you earlier, Duke?

Duke

Oh, did somebody take care of my little problem?

Audrey

Just answer the question.

Duke

They did? They- Thank you! Thank you! That is outstanding. All right, hmm? Oh, no, don't worry about it. I'm not offended that you asked. It's fine. So... How did he die?

Audrey

He was swallowed by a crack in the ground.

Duke

He was swallowed by a crack in the ground, yes! Yes. Nathan, come on. I mean, if I could do that, why am I out here playing Jed Clampett with a shotgun in my lap?