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104 QUOTES

A character in Grey's Anatomy

Miranda Bailey quotes from Grey's Anatomy

Played by Chandra Wilson · 104 quotes · page 5 of 7

Miranda Bailey

Played by Chandra Wilson

Grey's Anatomy · 1,393 quotes

5th most-quoted character in Grey's Anatomy: in 104 of its 1,393 quotes
Most scenes with: Meredith Grey (21), Derek Shepherd (17), Richard Webber (17)

Scenes with Miranda Bailey 84

How did Kelsey do?

Er, well.

Who's Kelsey?

Bailey

Er, girl with no heart. I had to do a laparoscopic bowel repair while the poor thing was awake on the table.

WWilliam

Miranda, mind your manners. Even if surgery is your whole life it doesn't mean you have to talk about bowels at the dinner table.

Bailey

My child is healthy.

WWilliam

Excuse me?

Bailey

He may not be with me tonight, but he's healthy...

WWilliam

I didn't say he-

Bailey

He's a well loved boy, and he's a happy boy. And staying in an unhappy marriage...

WWilliam

Now is not the time or the place-

Bailey

And staying in an unhappy marriage, a marriage that I've outgrown, a marriage full of ultimatums, and numbness and resentment...

WWilliam

Miranda-

Bailey

That is not the kind of life I want to model for my child. That is not what I want him to believe married love is. And I know what's possible, I know what's out there for me because you taught me well. You and mom showed me what true love looks like, so I chose not to settle, and I'm happier for it. Even if I'm alone at Christmas. My child is healthy, and I'm happy. --You know, part of my happiness is the fact that I got to repair a woman's bowel and save her life today. And that's God's work, which makes this an appropriate Christmas dinner conversation. --I'm happy, and my child is healthy, and that's enough for me today, Dad. That's enough.

Bailey

Single most important step in the exam process. Anyone?

Physical exam.

Bailey

No. No chocolate for you.

Lab and radiology evaluation.

Bailey

Oh! Come on, people now you're embarrassing me.

Patient history.

Bailey

Thank you! [throws a chocolate to her] Catch.

If I wasn't happily married, I'd hit her, I'd hit her hard.

Sir, I think you wanted to say was, "I'd hit that".

Miranda

I don't think you wanted to say that - at all.

Bailey

What's up?

Doug has fever and rigors and he's starting to get a productive cough.

So deal with it. Look, hook guy's tanking. He coughed up blood or something, so they're taking him back to surgery. I want in.

Wait, he coughed up blood? What did it look like, was it like currant jelly? Did he have leukocytosis with a left shift? His P.A.CO2 was 28, right?

I don't know, Encyclopedia Brown. I didn't memorize the chart.

Bailey

Let him go, Grey, he has a surgery he wants to see.

Thank you, Dr. Bailey. [leaves]

Dr. Bailey, both patients have productive coughs and signs and symptoms of sepsis. I am probably wrong, but if I'm not, this is infectious.

Bailey

You're probably not wrong; you're probably right. Why do you want to hand your big save over to Karev who's going to march around the hospital acting like he put it together?

I didn't...

Bailey

You are handing your power over to a boy because he's giving you sex.

I'm not... I'm...

Bailey

I'm Dr. Bailey, I know everything. And you have a superpower. That memory of yours is a superpower. And on top of it, you're a good doctor. And yet you're letting Alex Karev treat you like a scut monkey. I don't care how good the sex is, if that's what it costs, you're paying too much.

I'm not. I--

Bailey

Scut monkey all day.

[about an extremely large patient] Now I understand the sensitivity training.

Yeah, no fat jokes.

Bailey

Yang, you're off the case.

CChristina

I said no fat jo...

Bailey

Goodbye.

Miranda, um... I was playing golf. And I can't apologize for it 'cause it wasn't anything I did on purpose... I was just... I was playing golf. I missed you.

Miranda

You're a good man. You are handsome, and kind, and smart, and good. You're perfect. But, um... I'm busy... holding myself together with tape and glue. And a piece of me wishes that you hadn't played golf because... then you'd be all taped and glued too... And maybe you'd be where I am. You're too much for me right now... 'cause I'm busy with the tape and the glue.

Bailey

Why do we so many post-op fistulas after pancreas surgeries? I mean, your operation is flawless. It doesn't matter. We still see fistulas in what? 20 percent of patients? I- I think there's a way to bring that number down. I just gotta find it.

Miranda...

Bailey

I needed a win, sir. I've got a string of big losses and I could use a win, that's all. Yang... Yang was the one I didn't have to worry about.

I know. I know. Look into the pancreatectmy patients, figure it out and then let me know how I can help.

Bailey

Uh, can I use Avery? He actually gave me the idea. He was great today.

That's good to know. You know, Alex Karev saved a baby's life with a ping pong ball?

Bailey

A ping pong ball?

Yes, he did.

Bailey

Hmm. Alex Karev.

Bailey

You need to pick chief resident already. I mean, Alex Karev is living in a trailer in the hospital parking lot. Residents are waiting for you outside bathrooms...

Karev's living in the parking lot?

Bailey

Y'know, your trial is up and running, and you've got things to deal with at home. You don't need to be picking a new chief resident, too. Let somebody else handle that. Delegate.

Okay, I'd like you to.

Bailey

No. I raised those babies. What I mean is, delegate to someone else... who is not me.

[about her baby] She's not ready, no she can't leave. She's been watched by doctors twenty four hours a day...

She still willl.

Okay, well, her lungs. She could get RSV.

Well, any kid could get...

She's not getting in a car. It's not safe.

Callie...

It's not safe. The last time she was in a car, she nearly died, we both nearly died. Get-- get her out of that thing. Give her to me, Mark. I'm- I'm not kidding, [crying] get- get her out of that thing.

Bailey

Callie... Callie... Okay, you're right. You are absolutely right. Cars are not safe for children. Okay, neither are bookcases or squirrels, strong winds, people who sneeze. They're all going to get your baby. But honey, you don't feel this way because you were in an accident. You feel this way because you are a parent. It'll pass... mostly. Some of it never will.

Bailey

You realize your door is unlocked? I could be anyone. I could be a burglar coming to burglar you. Where's the baby? [Callie shows her the baby on the monitor, she smiles] Oh, I could be a baby-napper trying to baby-nap you.

I know why they sent you and it doesn't matter what you say, the wedding's still off. My mom's right, it's a joke. It's not a wedding, and it's not happening. I can't have a priest; I no longer have a minister. [sobs] I'm not being given away by my dad, the wedding isn't legal, what's the point? This isn't a wedding, it's not even in a church, it's nothing. It's a couple of girls playing dress up. It's not real, it's not real.

Bailey

[sighs] Okay, first of all, you do not need the law or a priest or your mother to make your wedding real. And the church can be anywhere you want it to be. In a field, on a mountain, right here in this room, anywhere because where do you think God is? Come on, He's in you. He's in me. Just right here, in the middle of us. Your church just hasn't caught up to God yet. Your mother, she hasn't caught up to God yet. And, by the way, she may not ever catch up, but it's okay. It's okay. If you are willing to stand up in front of your friends and your family, and God, and commit yourself to another human being to give yourself in that kind of partnership for better or worse in sickness and in health. Honey, that is a marriage. That is real, and that's all that matters. Besides, I got legally married to a man in a church. Look how well that turned out. [laughs]'

[The scene cuts back and forth between Derek and Mer getting married to Callie and Arizona getting married]

JJudge

Applicants Grey and Shepherd...

That'd be us.

JJudge

I need to see some ID. Okay, this seems to be in order, I'll jump right in. We are here today to participate in a marital union...

Bailey

...To celebrate love and happiness and loyalty, and in my opinion, a little bit of magic.

JJudge

In the form and regulations of the state of Washington,

Bailey

To bring together two exceptional and beautiful human beings...

JJudge

Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join hands, and repeat after me. I, Derek Shepherd...

I, Derek Shepherd...

I take you, Calliope Torres to be my wife.

For better or for worse in good times and in bad...

I choose you to be the one whom I spend my life...

I love you.

I love you.

JJudge

Okay, you sign there, and you sign there. [they both sign] By these documents and according to the state law of Washington...

Bailey

Okay, I hereby pronounce you wife and wife. [Callie and Arizona kiss]

JJudge

Congratulations.

Why, thank you.

[Alternate universe]

What the hell is wrong with me?

Miranda

I just lost my job. Do you see me crying? I have no earthly idea what to do next, but am I hiding in an elevator, whimpering about it?

No.

Miranda

No. Because what do we say, Alex? What do we say? "We create our own destiny."

You know what might be fun?

Bailey

I have no idea what might be fun.

A play date with Zola and Tuck.

Bailey

Oh. Uh...well, Tuck's 5, and Zola's, what, 1?

1 and a quarter, but it's more like she's 3. She's very mature.

Bailey

Well, uh, playing for Tuck means throwing things, breaking things, um, shooting things at people and things. I don't think Zola would survive a play date with Tuck.

Yeah. It's probably not a good idea.

What happened?

Bailey

She has a lion for a pet is what happened. It tried to eat her and then it got away and it probably tried to eat other people because it is a lion. Who has a lion living in their house? I'll tell you who has a lion living in their house a crazy person does. Now because she's crazy doesn't mean she doesn't deserve excellent care. In fact, we're going to save that crazy lady's life just so I can tell her she's crazy.

Miranda

Hey, um, I can't do ladies night. Sorry.

Mm.

What? But we need you.

Miranda

Well, um, I can't come because, well, Ben and I are taking dance lessons tonight-- salsa.

[raises an eyebrow] You and Ben...

Miranda

Yeah.

And salsa? No, you just want to go home and get laid.

Miranda

[flustered] Hey, we have a long-standing salsa appointment tonight, and sorry. You're on your own. [leaves hurriedly]

[deadpan] Right.

I bet it's gonna be long.

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