Miranda Bailey quotes from Grey's Anatomy

Bailey

This is not a stepping stone for me. I believe in this hospital and what it can do. And I wanna push this bucket of boats to do the most impossible things you have ever seen. And then I'll do more. Because this is my challenge.

Bailey

When we tell a family a patient has died, I'd prefer we be correct! It's a low, low bar for a physician.

Bailey

[to Jo] Karev is a puppy dog. And he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Unless he thought that fly was hurting you.

Bailey

[voice over] My mom used to tell me never to judge people until you know their story. You might think you understand, but you don't. That's why, as a patient, it's important to have an advocate. Someone to tell your story, to be your voice to say your name. Especially when you don't have the voice yourself.

Bailey

[voice over] Patients lose their power when they are referred to as "Bed number 4" or "arm pain guy". Even in their deaths, they are not faceless. They are not nameless. They are more than statistics. More than "co-morbid conditions" or "nursing-home patients". They are sons, brothers, and uncles who speak five languages and run restaurants - Wade Klein, 66. They are great-grandfathers who love Broadway - Jacob Lappin, 92. They are baseball loving nurses with an easy laugh - Dane Wilson, 45. They are the world's greatest mothers, and they are the most beloved wives - Elena Rose Bailey, 84.

Bailey

I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one: Don't bother sucking up. I already hate you. That's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone list, pagers. Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run! That's rule number two! Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop, and don't complain! On-call rooms. Attendings hog them. Sleep when you can where you can, which brings me to rule number three. If I'm sleeping, don't wake me unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four: The dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only will you have killed someone, you would have woke me for no good reason. We clear?

Bailey

Yes?

Meredith

You said five rules. That was only four.

Bailey

[glares and continues walking] Rule number five: when I move, you move.

Derek

Miranda.

Bailey

Excuse me?

Derek

Well, that's your name right? It's on your jacket. Fine, I'll just call you Bailey then.

Bailey

You know, you think you're charming, in that talented, neurotic, overly moussed hair sort of way. Good for you. But if you think I'm gonna stand back and watch while you favor her...

Derek

I don't favor her. She's good.

Bailey

I'm sure she is.

Derek

You know, can I point out, that technically, I'm your boss.

Bailey

You don't scare me. Look, I'm not gonna advertise your extracurricular activities with my intern. However the next time I see you favoring Meredith Grey in any way, I'll make sure she doesn't see the inside of an OR for a month. Just for the sake of balance.

Bailey

You have a problem?

Izzie

No.

Bailey

You have a mocha latte?

Izzie

No.

Bailey

Then go away.

Derek

Meredith kissed me. Addison kissed me. My wife and my girlfriend kissed me on the same day.

Bailey

Joe, do I look friendly to you?

Uh, you're a tiny little kitten of joy and love. [Bailey stares at him] What? He saved my life.

Bailey

His first mistake. McDreamy, go sit by someone who cares.

Bailey

Turn around and walk away.

Derek

From what?

Bailey

From my intern.

Derek

No, I wasn't.

Bailey

Yes you were, come on, look, you can't do this, you don't have the right, not anymore.

Derek

I just want to find out if she's okay.

Bailey

She's not. She's a human traffic accident, and everybody's slowing down to look at the wreckage. She's doing the best she can with what she has left, and I know you can't see this 'cause you're in it, but YOU CAN'T HELP HER NOW! You'll only make it worse. Walk away. Leave her to mend.

Bailey

I'm pregnant, you blind moron.

Webber

You're what?

Bailey

My heart rate is 110, I'm burning three thousand calories a day, my legs are swollen, I got indigestion and gas. Did you know that carrying a boy in your uterus means you burn ten percent more calories than if you had a girl? Guess what I'm carrying. I tried for seven damn years and a month before my fellowship notifications the stick turns blue. Men... from the very beginning they just suck the life right out of you. I'm not leaving. I'm pregnant.

George

Paging Dr. Karev-ian [laughter]

Bailey

What did you just say?

George

Ah-it, it's a joke, Kevorkian, Karev-ian...Alex Karev?

Bailey

I get the joke. I just don't think it's funny. You see this O'Malley? I make one mistake with this scalpel and this man's dead. My husband, he makes mistakes at his job all the time. As far as I know he's never killed anyone but I have. And YOU WILL. And Alex did. He made a math mistake and a man died for it. Run that past your accountant - see how he'd feel if every mistake he made, someone ended up dead. You don't have to like Alex, you don't have to care about him, but you damn well have to be on his side.

Bailey

What are you people doing out here?

Webber

Are you alright? Can I get you anything?

Bailey

A boy the size of a 10 lb. bowling ball is working its way out of my body. Can you get me something for that? Can you get me a new vagina?

Webber

Uh, well.

Bailey

I didn't think so.

George

Dr. Bailey, I can see the top of his head. He's got a lot of hair. Oh, he's cute.

Bailey

O'Malley!

George

Yeah?

Bailey

Stop looking at my vah-jay-jay!

George

[looking away] Yes, ma'am.

Cristina

Great. No blood, no guts, no lives to save. It's dead quiet.

Bailey

Uh, did you really just say that?

Izzie

Cristina!

Cristina

What?

George

You said the "q" word.

Izzie

That's like saying Macbeth in the theatre.

Cristina

Please. You think because someone says its quiet that'll mean---

Cristina

Can anyone spell coincidence?