Miranda Bailey quotes from Grey's Anatomy

Meredith

Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive.

George

Family...

Cristina

Love...

Izzie

Sex.

Derek

But we only need one thing...

Burke

To actually be alive.

Cristina

We need a beating heart.

Addison

When our heart is threatened...

Alex

We respond in one of two ways.

George

We either run...

Derek

Or...

Izzie

We attack.

Webber

There's a scientific term for this:

Alex

Fight...

Addison

Or flight.

Bailey

It's instinct...

Meredith

We can't control it.

Izzie

Or can we?

Bailey

Where is Christina? Where are... where are all of the suck ups?

Burke

Excuse me?

Bailey

My interns. My ass-kissing, surgery hungry, competitive suck ups? Where are they? Why aren't they here fetching you ice chips and morphine? Why aren't they here sucking up? [Burke avoids her eyes and doesn't respond] You know something.

Burke

I'm a patient.

Bailey

Preston Xavier Burke, what have you done with my suck ups?!

Cristina

Benjamin O'Leary, 32, in for the removal of a brain tumor that's pressing on his frontal temporal lobe. Clearly it's affecting his impulse control.

It makes me say everything I think. Which apparently is annoying. This doctor looks annoyed anyway. Although it's hard to tell cause she always has kind of a pinched uptight look on her face. Am I annoying you?

Cristina

It's fine.

You can't say it's fine. He doesn't perceive sarcasm or irony. If he's annoying you, you have to tell him.

Maybe I'm not annoying her Ruthie.

Cristina

No, you are.

Bailey

Doctor Yang!

Cristina

He asked!

Derek

Okay Benjamin, Doctor Yang, pinched and annoyed though she may be, is going to prep you for surgery today. Do you have any questions for me?

[about Meredith] Is that blonde your girlfriend? 'Cause the way you keep looking at her, you might as well just mount her right here and now. [Derek and the interns are trying not to laugh.] I'm sorry was I rude?

Bailey

Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is out sick, you can cover the pit, or you can... you can tell me whose damn panties are on the bulletin board! [everybody in the background starts snickering]

Cristina

[whispers to Meredith] Is it yours?

Bailey

This is a hospital. People, serious work happens here. We save lives! [interns laugh] Oh, something funny? Whose're these?

Meredith

This is bad. This isn't good.

Cristina

You better claim them. She thinks they're mine!

Meredith

Claim them? No.

Bailey

Yeah I know it's one of you. It's always one of mine. Always. So, tell me. Which one of you left your damn drawers on my surgical floor?

Bailey

Never would have figured Mark Sloan to be your type.

Addison

He's not... he's not... What is he doing here? He's NOT supposed to be here. I can't have him here, I can't... he's supposed to be in New York. I can't... I can't function with him here. I'm a professional here, people respect me here, but when he's here I'm just... I'm...

Bailey

A woman who gets the hots for man candy and cheats on her husband.

Addison

That is rude. And unkind. And completely true. Oh my God, what am I gonna do?

Bailey

For starters, you can keep your knees closed in his presence.

Addison

Miranda!

Bailey

You asked. And also, you can remember, that no man, not Derek, not Mark, defines who you are.

Callie

You know Shepherd pretty well, yeah?

Bailey

Lots of hair, too many women, likes elevators and long walks on the beach.

Callie

So, um, what's the best way to get him to do something?

Bailey

What kind of something?

Callie

A consult that the patient hasn't requested, but that the friendly neighborhood ortho resident thinks is worth pursuing.

Bailey

Shepherd thinks he's busier and maybe a little more important than everyone else.

Callie

Standard neurosurgeon breed.

Bailey

Exactly.

Callie

OK, so?

Bailey

So he'll say no. Until you stare him down.

Callie

Stare him down?

Bailey

Stare him down. [stares at Callie]

Bailey

You spent 300 grand, so you could scrub in on the surgery?

Izzie

No?

Bailey

No?

Izzie

I... I spent the 3- Have you seen that girl? Her life is miserable. She's desperate. She, she'll never have a date. She'll never wear high heels. She'll never feel normal. I, I spent 300 grand because it's a good thing.

Bailey

[long pause] I was hoping you would tell me you spent the money so you could scrub in.

Bailey

You didn't think of maybe telling me this morning that you were planning to step down instead of sending me on this wild goose chase?

Webber

Dr. Bailey. You need those clowns to sign off on your proposal because one of them may be Chief of Surgery in a month. It's hard to imagine, for me more than anyone, but since you're not ready for the job, one of them's gonna have to do it for the next few years.

Bailey

Me?

Webber

It's you in the chair eventually. That's who you are. But you're gonna have to get a new chair because you're short. You have short legs. But someday you are going to be Chief of Surgery. I wasn't sending you on a wild goose chase. I was trying to get you in a habit of doing things without me.

Bailey

These are your letters of support for my free clinic. Sign them.

Burke

Why do you want this clinic so badly?

Derek

You're a surgeon.

Bailey

Because I need something more. I know you all have your messy love lives and your secrets and your silliness, but I want more. I need something to hold on to. I need a reason to believe that medicine can do more than stitch you up and, and send you away. I need to believe that medicine can not only save lives, but, but change lives! I need... I need... I need to believe in something the way I used to believe in you all. Sign the papers! Besides if you really want to be considered a candidate for Chief of Surgery, pioneering a pilot program, like a free clinic, will look very good on your resume. Sign the papers!

Derek

I came out here to be chief, and Meredith complicates that.

Bailey

Huh. Well if this turns into an "either or," you pick the person you love. End of story. Look, all of this means nothing if you're alone.

Bailey

Don't apologize to him!

Alex

What?

Oh, Dr. Bailey's right...

Bailey

Shut up, Norman! I'm not talking to you. [to Alex] He got in your way, he's been doing it all day. And when that happens, when an intern gets in the way of a resident, you're not doing what's best for your patient. Now, you almost missed diagnosing that kid today because Norman here thought it was drugs. So don't apologize. He should be yelled at.

Alex

Dr. Bailey, he's as old as the hills.

Bailey

I don't care how old he is, Dr. Karev. He's still an intern, and interns are basically teenagers. We are not hard on them because it's fun, we're hard on them because this is a life and death job, they need to learn that. There is a reason why we have a pecking order in a hospital. It saves lives!

George

Why did she do this to herself?

Bailey

Because people are stupid, and just want to be loved. It's the only reason anybody does anything.

Callie

You should direct your questions to Dr. Bailey, Stevens.

Cristina

Oh, we're directing our questions to Dr. Bailey?

Callie

Oh, not you, just Stevens.

Bailey

Why is Stevens directing her questions to Dr. Bailey?

Callie

Because she's been sleeping with my husband. Alrighty then? Have a good day.

Cristina

[to Meredith] This is even more disturbing than your bag full of Mommy.

Bailey

I thought you told me to keep the animals under control?

Webber

From time to time, I like to go to the zoo.

Bailey

I just wanted to drop off the form myself... answer any questions you might have.

Webber

There are listed interns on this form.

Bailey

Mm-hmm, I require the energy of youth. Dr. Shepherd was just a moment of weakness, for both of us.

Webber

Dr. Sloan?

Bailey

Oh that was many moments, in on-call rooms, very hot.

Adele

Mm. Steamy.

Webber

Surprised you haven't listed me.

Bailey

You're not my type.

Webber

Alright, Dr. Bailey I get the joke.

Bailey

See this is a joke to you. I am a single woman. I've been a single woman for some time now, but the very idea that I could have a sexual encounter [She glares at the Board Member across the table], a consensual sexual encounter is a joke to you!

Webber

Dr. Bailey I...

Bailey

So much so that you would single me out of this entire hospital as the one person who couldn't interest a member of the opposite sex, it's, it's just...

Adele

Harassment.

Webber

A..Adele!

Bailey

Just shame on you sir! Just shame on you! [She storms out]