[first lines of the series]
Max, lunchtime! Get them while they're messy!
MMax
Thanks, Dad! One-nothing!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[examining the damage to Pete's boat] Whoa, those guys are dead meat! When Dad sees this, he's gonna blow a gut!
[shaking her head] Nah-uh... Betcha this time it's his spleen!
Quarter?
You're covered!
[Later, after Pete reacts to the damage to his boat, PJ knocks on Pistol's door and tosses her a quarter.]
You were right... spleen.
Hiya, how you doing, nice to meet you, let me shake your hands while they're still attached to your arms!
[Scene: Max and PJ are ready to crush cans Max's way.]
Are you sure this will work?
MMax
I'd stake your life on it, dude!
[Later, after they execute Max's plan to crush the cans]
Okay, I lied to my parents once... oh, and I tore the head off my little sister's doll!
MMax
PJ, why are you telling me all this?
In case we don't make it, I wanna go with a clear conscience, y'know?
[Max and PJ are in their rooms talking via tin-can telephone after their dads forbid them from seeing each other.]
MMax
Get over here, PJ! We gotta talk!
No can do, dude! My dad's watching me... he's got all the exits covered!
MMax
No sweat!
[Max yanks hard on his end of the phone. PJ, who is holding onto the other end, flies out his window and lands in Max's room.]
MMax
Here, Peej, smash this muffin in my face!
[confused] Okay, but why?
MMax
It's the only way we can be friends!
No, I... I can't do it, Max...
MMax
You're gonna have to, PJ! It's our only hope! If you don't do this, we're gonna... [PJ smashes the muffin in Max's face] ... I think you're getting the hang of it.
MMax
It's not over yet! You've got twenty-three hours and fourteen minutes to do everything you ever wanted to do in your whole life!
Even the stuff I'd get killed for?
MMax
What have you got to lose? PJ, you're dead meat anyway!
Max? Maybe we oughta try something tamer, like skydiving off the Trump Tower?
MMax
Hey, when my best buddy's looking at life in prison with no parole, I'm not gonna let him miss his last chance to break his neck!
NO! NO! Don't operate! Okay, okay, I give, I give. I'M NOT REALLY SICK!!!
MMax
[as a surgeon] Oh, yes, you aaaare!
FAKING?!
Dad, I don't feel so good.
Why'd you cut school over a stupid test?!
Well, 'cause you said if I...flunked, I'd be grounded for life!
WHAT?! What do you mean, Thinking I'd really ground you for life?! I'd never ground you for life! How many times I gotta tell you?! Do as I think, not mean what I say! Just for that, you're grounded for life!
The Ultra Fin Laser Guided Telescopic Fish Finder, oooh sweetheart! That's just where I'd put it! But where am I gonna get the money? Oh wait! I could sneak $100.00 from PJ's savings account, $200.00 from Pistol's college fund. $200 from...
MMax
We're losing the trailer!
Take the wheel, Max!
MMax
But I'm only eleven-and-a-half years old!
That's all right, Maxie... this car is old enough to drive itself!
[Goofy climbs out of, and over, the car to get to the trailer hitch.]
MMax
[giggles] You need a license to do this?
MMax
I'm eleven-and-a-half! Nothing scares me!
Except math tests.
MMax
[glaring at PJ] That's different, PJ...
MMax
Peej, on a scale of one to ten, how much does your dad usually like me?
Less than zero?
MMax
Dad, did people really used to call you the Skull?
Sure did, Numb-skull!
No way! Forget it, Max! You cannot talk me into this one!
MMax
Aww, Peej! Fishing with your dad! What could be more fun?
Eating glass! You know what fishing with him is like? Not to mention when I turn green and toss three meals a day!
When are we gonna look for treasure?
MMax
Soon as we ditch the dads! New plan...
Oh, I hate this!
MMax
You'll love it! [singsong] You get to hit me!
[eagerly] Really?
MMax
Yeah! But I get to hit you... first!
[Max hauls back and punches PJ across Pete's boat, then starts to sob.]
MMax
Dad, PJ says Pete's a better fisherman than you!
Whaddaya mean lettin' your kid hit my kid just for tellin' the truth?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Goof Troop pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.