Goodness Gracious Me quotes

Been following the cricket?

Oh, shocking! We haven't been playing too well at all.

Well, you know, the cricketing world looks upon us as a developing nation.

Of course they do. But the Indians have been playing very well.

So, Vanessa, I hear you're something of a wiz in the kitchen. Is that one of your famous curries I smell cooking?

No, it's roast lamb, roast potatoes, roast vegetables and roast gravy, actually!

Oh tuhadi rab day vastay! Aah ki hoya?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, my God.

I believe that mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. And after all, my husband is an Englishman.

Which must make you the mad...

[interrupts] Another jug of Pimm's, darling?

Are any of you lot called Dennis Cooper?

Yes. How do you know?

Because you've written your name in the sand!

May I take your hat, sir?

No, get your own!

Notice the sixteenth-century floorboards, laid down in 1348 by Edward XXII.

Yes. The plastic hallway matting complements them perfectly.

I say, Dennis, this fox-hunting's a bloody good lark, what?

Yes, but I keep falling off mine!

Well, we love our traditional English Christmases. Yes, James Bond, the Queen's speech, the smell of nuts roasting on an open fire.

Oh, so sorry! Must've been standing too close to the oven!

Haven't you read your King James Bible?

Of course, of course. Nearly finished it, but don't tell me what happens in the end!

Hello, there.

Hello, my old chappie. Dennis Cooper. Table for four, please!

Yes, please. Not too near the band.

Blood of Christ.

No, no, no. I'm driving.

Haven't you got any vol-au-vents?

This is not an hors d'œuvre; this is the body of Christ.

Er, I think I'll wait for the main course then, thanks!

So, what are you fellows up to?

I'm waiting for my mamaji and papaji…oh, tuhadi!

He means his mater and pater.

Of course. Maker, paper.

Well, I must say I'm very surprised to see people like you in the pub.

What do you mean by "people like us"?

Well, it is a peculiarly British habit, is it not?

Yes, and we are peculiarly British.

Uh-huh. We're as peculiar as they come.