Ghost Stories quotes

[to movers] Put that in the back room.

You got it.

The rest of them will be all right. The movers will take care of it. Don't worry.

Why you want to live in your dead wife's old house is beyond me. It's sick! You're sick!

Wow, Dad! Grandpa's place is so big! Can we go upstairs?

Sure! Just don't bother them.

[about his wife beside him] When this bitch kicks, I'm moving to Vegas.

Ooh, white panties. Yo. My name's Hajime. You're the new transfer student, aren't ya?

Yes, but it's none of your business. I guess you're the new pervert?

[indignantly] Whatever! I was here first, you know! Listen, you flashed me. Remember that!

Satsuki! Keiichiro! Help me with your mother, will ya?

Okay!

Just grab her picture.

[ponders] So, she doesn't have a mother. Sad.

What are you doing? Quit following us!

You two morons are just walking in front of me. Watch for dogs.

Go home. We're going to school.

Sounds good. I don't have anything better to do.

You're a cat now, stupid.

For your information, I've been haunting that school before you two blew into town.

I think he's got a point.

Don't take his side, if you know what's good for you. I can't believe our sweet precious cat is now possessed by a Keebler elf reject. With bad gas.

That'll teach you to make fun of me. The Lord Amanojaku.

[coming from behind, with Hajime] This is fascinating! Even though he's trapped in a cat's body, he still possesses ghostly powers. Kinda like David Blaine.

Save it for the science fair.

You're just jealous of my psychical research. You know what Harvard's president said about girls and science.

You may know about science, but you don't know diddly about girls.

I'm just waiting for a nice Jewish girl! Yeah.

[dusting herself off] Break it up, ladies.

Hey, wait! Shouldn't you guys know how to do it? I mean, how to turn Caya back to normal?

What?

That's right! You're the psychical researcher, aren't you?

That is my area of expertise. But except for a few pale Trekkies, this is the creepiest thing I've ever come in contact with.

Well, then. What good are you?

You're not coming up with ideas.

[annoyed] If I could, I would've said my goodbyes long ago.

Well, we have learned one thing.

What'd we learn? What'd I miss?

Yes, one thing.

What?

[to Satsuki] Your light blue Hanes are total chode material.

I'm too young to die. The only person I've had sex with is my babysitter.

I guess the school fine arts festival's not gonna happen.

I can't believe it. And I stayed up all night working on my costume and props. [shows his handiwork]

Oh, my. What a gifted seamstress. I hope you're not a homosexual.

A Jew who can act and sew, so obviously I'm gay. I'm not gay, you born-again homophobe halfwit!

Kutabe! Kutabe! Kick the bucket! Kutabe! Kutabe! You can suck it!

Kutabe! Kutabe...! Oh, are we done?

[after a run-in with the music instructor] Ugh, the music teacher. What a bitch.

You're gonna die.

[patiently] I'm not gonna die.

Are you sure you're not gonna die?

Are you talking about the piano ghost?

I'm sure I'll live a long, miserable life of heartbreak and alcoholism before a ghost takes me out.

[in tears] If you're lying, thank you.

[turns to her brother] I told you I'm going to be fine. Why are you still crying?

Beacuse these pajamas are gay.

Yeah.

[happily] You think so too? Thanks. I thought it was just me! Good night!

Joel Osteen's church wouldn't be my choice for a vacation.

If you prefer, we could go to Praise World in Topeka.

I'll stick with Knott's Berry Farm. Thanks. [slips and falls]

So much for Twyla Tharp callin' your ass!

I hate you.

Laugh it up. I'd save the developing costs if I were you. [lifts up her skirt] BAM! For the rest of the semester, it's gonna be bike shorts from Nike!

Damn it! She's on to me.

A car accident, huh? Must've been hit by an old Chinaman. I don't mean to be racist, but those people cannot drive.

I know. [pause] But that's beside the point. I think he was lonely.

After all that training, you're still such a little bitch.

But for a ghost, Datto wasn't such a bad guy.

Yeah, weren't you the one checking out his butt at the track the other day?

You can shut up. Narc.

No! It's okay. I mean, he had a nice butt. Even I noticed. It's okay.

Just drop it!

I don't know why you're so ashamed about it. You're a butt chick. I don't mind.

What are you doing?

Datto can have it. The pin keeps sticking my nipple. Here! [hurls the medal into the sky]

Aw. Little bitch.

Let's eat!

Let's pray first!

[laughs] You need to pray.

God, don't you have anything better to do?

Let me put it this way: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before Dad gets home."

Alright, how'd you hear?

One who walks with the lotus cheetah seeks the magnolia mountain in springtime.

Don't screw with me! If you know something, just say it!

[mockingly] I won't do it! [normal voice] If you're so smart, figure it out yourself. Or die trying! [laughs]

Hello.

Oh, look. A different heathen.

[annoyed] It's you. Get lost!

[steps into the house] Come on! Let me see what happens on girl's night.

Mind your own business.

Oh, my. Sounds like you bailed on We. [sniffs the air] And switched to Rachel Ray. Love her! [walks past Satsuki and Momoko]

[after a beat] She's fat.

A police station! Thank God! I never thought I'd be happy to see one of those things! [they enter the station] Hey, put the donuts down! Drop the Krispy Kremes, Serpico! We need your help here!

These people in my house look like my father and my brother after an eye master's exam, but it's not them!

Yeah! [babbles incoherently; translation: They're impostors! They wear glasses, but they don't have eyes!]

Why on Earth did we decide to hole up in the old school house? Why? Why?!

Because the mall was closed. I don't know.

We passed REI, we passed on Oshman's. We passed Neiman's, for Christ's sakes! You're an IDIOT!

You know, kids would stop talking about you if you'd get out more. Kinda de-geek yourself.

Geeks run the world!

But they're not getting their pee-pees waxed now, are they? [holds out a fast food restaurant coupon] Here.

What's the catch?

Oh, my God! Their stock is in the toilet! And now they have fruit salads, chicken tenders, and tofu fries!

Why would you eat there? Didn't you see Super Size Me?

They had a coupon in the paper, and I know what a tight ass you are. Besides, they've got an Æon Flux giggity meal.

What?! An Æon Flux giggity meal?! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! A pocket-sized Charlize Theron of my very own to carry around with me all day long! SWEET! There is a God!

Better get extra napkins with yours. Can't believe I said that. So it's settled! Let's meet at the creepy train station.