Cpl. Josh Ray Person quotes from Generation Kill

You know, it doesn't make you gay if you think Rudy's hot. We all think he's hot.

See, when Marines invade a foreign country, we've gotta buy all our own shit. Me and Brad spent 500 dollars of our own money just fixing up the Humvee. Bought our own antennas, filters, these cammie nets. We even painted it ourselves.

So yeah, homes, we pimpin'.

There's layers of retardation that most people don't even know about. You should quote me on that!

I see foot mobiles. 12 o'clock, a hundred meters. Damn. Brad, they're fuckin' hotties! I didn't know hajis could be hotties! I thought that they were all camel-faced hags! Hey, Assalamu Alaikum, ladies!

Yeah, looks like Saddam's big bad Republican Guard hajjis got wind I was coming. As the great warrior-poet Ice Cube once said, "If the day does not require an AK, it is good".

That's 'cause he's a psycho. But at least he's our psycho.

Damn, sucker. I just got some. Look at me, Brad, I’m a man now, just like you. Except, I don’t look like a faggot and talk all educated.

Damn, Brad, what else you got hidden in the Humvee -- a fat chick?

Hey Rudy! My sister wants her shorts back!

Dear Frederick, thank you for your nice letter, but I am actually a U.S. Marine who was born to kill whereas clearly you have mistaken me for some sort of wine-sipping Communist dick-suck. And although peace probably appeals to tree-loving bisexuals like you and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations. Peace sucks a hairy asshole, Freddy. War is the motherfucking answer.

But thanks for writing, anyway.

Your pal Ray.

Aww, man, every motherfucker in this camp is just waiting for packages of dip, Ripped Fuel, porn mags, batteries, hash chunks, dirty-ass jerk-off letter from Suzy Rottencrotch, except for Brad Colbert over here, who actually thinks that his mail-order turret is gonna come in before we step off. But no, all we get is this happy-day fucking horseshit from Miss Cunt Lips' fourth grade class. Can you fucking believe this shit?

Look at this shit. How come we can't ever invade a cool country, with like chicks in bikinis, you know? How come countries like that don't ever need Marines? I'll tell you why. It's lack of pussy that fucks countries up. Lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability. If more hajis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over here and fuck 'em up like this! Cause a nut-bustin' haji is a happy haji.

[Trying not to laugh] So, this war's not about oil, or WMD's?

Nope!

And it's not about Saddam?

No, Saddam's just part of the problem. If you took the whole gay-ass Republican Guard and comped their asses in Vegas for a weekend- no fuckin' war! Look, if Saddam invested more in the pussy infrastructure of Iraq than he did on his fuckin' gay-ass army, then this country would be no more fucked up than, say, Mexico.

Ray. [Ray pauses and looks at Colbert.] Please shut up. Thank you.

Our first contact with armed Iraqi's and we wave at 'em... like bitches.

Know what happens when you get out of the Marine Corps? You get your brains back.

LCpl Harold James Trombley

Sergeant, I didn't get to shoot!

That fucking sucks, Trombley. Did your recruiting officer tell you you'd get to shoot people?

LCpl Harold James Trombley

Fucking 'A' he did!

See, Trombley asked about shooting people. I asked about pussy. The guy told me I'd get to go to Thailand, get all kinds of strange. What'd you ask about, Brad? Brad probably saw that T.V. commercial, the one with the knight that fucks up the dragon then turns into the Marine.

Cpl Walt Hasser

Woo woo! Dress blues with a sword!

Fucking dress blues commercial man. That got so many fucking guys. Now look at us: Trombley hasn't killed anybody, I'm half a world away from good Thai pussy, and Colbert is out here rolling around fuckbutt Iraq, hunting for dragons in a MOPP suit that smells like four days of piss and ball sweat.

Nice.

You should have rolled into battle with a sword, Brad. That would've fuckin' rocked.

A buddy of mine in one-seven had to fucking clean up a Humvee that got hit like that. He said he found the driver’s fingers in the engine compartment.

How did he know they were the driver’s fingers?

Because they were still gripping the steering wheel, fucknuts.

I’m betting that they were thinking that they could just, you know, leave a fully loaded supply truck laying around, just like you could anywhere in America, you know. I mean, you park your unlocked car in Detroit or Baltimore, I mean, your shit’s going to be there, guaranteed, when you get back from the day spa with your skin all exfoliated and shit, right. I mean, seriously homes, why would our Iraqi brethren want four hundred pounds of C4, claymores and crates of M-16’s? I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense. Oh wait, you know they could be using all that C4 for like a giant Fourth of July celebration! [Looks up at Colbert, who is sitting on the Humvee nearby] What do you think, Brad?

I think it's time for you to shut the fuck up.