Look at this shit. How come we can't ever invade a cool country, with like chicks in bikinis, you know? How come countries like that don't ever need Marines? I'll tell you why. It's lack of pussy that fucks countries up. Lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability. If more hajis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over here and fuck 'em up like this! Cause a nut-bustin' haji is a happy haji.
[Trying not to laugh] So, this war's not about oil, or WMD's?
Nope!
And it's not about Saddam?
No, Saddam's just part of the problem. If you took the whole gay-ass Republican Guard and comped their asses in Vegas for a weekend- no fuckin' war! Look, if Saddam invested more in the pussy infrastructure of Iraq than he did on his fuckin' gay-ass army, then this country would be no more fucked up than, say, Mexico.
Ray. [Ray pauses and looks at Colbert.] Please shut up. Thank you.
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