Art isn't a commodity that you haul in and out [pauses]-
No.
-like dildos.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Darkplace sums up television as we know it. By that I mean: to the untrained eye everything looks smooth, hugely entertaining, everyone looks good, you know, everything is tied up; the end. Yet the reality is far different; it was horrible to work on, I didn't get paid any money for it and to be honest I can't remember a thing about it now, and that's the way I hope it stays. Thank you very much.
'Cause I will not pay a licence. I believe that the gift of Darkplace is a [stutters] such a sufficient gift to television that I don't believe I ever should really have to pay a licence ever again, I really don't. That's my gift; I've paid my licence, a hundred times over with just one episode of Darkplace. So if they come gipping me again for a licence [pauses] up theirs.
A man who behaves like a beast, shall never know the pain of being a man. Yet a man without love is like an orchard without cherryblossom.
They often say to people, ‘You've got a sweet tooth.’ With me they say, ‘You've got a meat tooth.’ And they’re right. I love meat. Pam loves meat. The children don’t love meat, but that’s what we cook them. And until they can afford to buy their own vegetarian food, they're just gonna have to lump it.
My style is an eclectic mix. Some of it comes from 20s golf. Some of it comes from Al Capone. Some of it comes from the future. And some of it comes from fiefal[sic] landlords.
We made this show without any channel's permission. So I just started making the show with Garth, paying for it myself - we didn't know you had to be asked. So we made it, gave it to the channel and they said "I'm sorry, but we didn't ask you to make this" and I said "What do you mean you didn't ask us to make this? Do you ask everyone before they make a show?" And they said "Yes we do". And I went "This is news to me sweetheart. I made this show with my sweat and blood. I've spent the last 4 weeks of my life making this show. Do you want it?". "No" they say. So I'm, you know, caught between the devil and the deep blue sea having to sell 40 episodes of a medical based horror show, erm, with no one buying it, thats why we had to put it out in Peru.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Garth Marenghi's Darkplace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.