Fleabag · Season 1
I'd really like to be your friend, though.
I'd like to be your friend, too. [aside] We'll last a week.
[spooked] What was THAT!?
What?
Where did... where did you just go?
What?
You just went somewhere.
[Fleabag glances aside to camera]
There! There! Where did you just go?
Nowhere.
Why would you believe in something awful when you could believe in something wonderful?
Don't make me an optimist, you will ruin my life.
Quaker meeting. You're not allowed to speak. If the Spirit moves you to speak, you have to stand up and share it with everyone. It's very intense. It's very quiet. It's very, very erotic.
[Fleabag is talking about her late mother.]
I don't know what to do with it.
With what?
With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now.
I'll take it.
[Fleabag laughs]
No, I'm serious. It sounds lovely. I'll have it.
I know exactly what I want right now.
What's that?
It's bad.
It's okay.
I want someone to tell me what to wear in the morning.
Okay, well, I think there are people who can...
No, I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat, what to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, and who to love, and how to tell them. I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I've been getting it wrong. And I know that's why people want people like you in their lives. Because you just tell them how to do it. You just tell them what to do, and what they'll get out of the end of it. Even though I don't believe your bullshit, and I know that scientifically nothing I do makes any difference in the end anyway, I'm still scared! Why am I still scared?! So just tell me what to do. Just fucking tell me what to do, Father!
Hair is everything. We wish it wasn't, so we could actually think about something else occasionally, but it is. It's the difference between a good day and a bad day. We're meant to think that it's a symbol of power. That it's a symbol of fertility. Some people are exploited for it and it pays your fucking bills! Hair is everything, Anthony.
Is that a bassoon in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?
Would you say that to your son?
When he has his bassoon, sure. But he's never pleased to see me, so...
It doesn't even make sense. Why would a bassoon in my hand...
Like a dick in your hand.
Oh, right. So if I was walking towards you with an amputated dick in my hand you'd think I was horny.
Well, I'd assume that you had been.
My priest is here and he really needs some guidance.
What? Is he okay?
No, I'm hoping he's having an emotional crisis.
Priests have sex, you know. A lot of them actually do. They don't burst into flames. I Googled it.
I can't have sex with you, because I'll fall in love with you. And if I fall in love with you, I won't burst into flames, but my life will be fucked.
I am not a bad guy! I just have a bad personality, it's not my fault. Some people are born with fucked personalities.
[to Fleabag] The only person I'd run through an airport for is you.
[wedding homily] Love is awful! It's awful. It's painful. It's frightening. Makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself. Distance yourself from the other people in your life. Make you selfish. Makes you creepy! Makes you obsessed with your hair. Makes you cruel! Makes you say and do things you never thought you would do! It's all any of us want and it's hell when we get there! So, no wonder it's something we don't want to do on our own. I was taught if we're born with love, then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot. It "feeling right". When it feels right it's easy. But I'm not sure that's true. It takes strength to know what's right. And love isn't something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is when you find somebody that you love it feels like hope.
Let's just leave that out there just for a second on its own: I love you.
It'll pass.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fleabag pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
