Claire quotes from Fleabag

Claire

Positive energy takes work. In the last six months, I've excelled. I take all the negative emotions and just bottle them and bury them and they never come out. I've basically never been better.

Claire

No! Just get your hands off my miscarriage! It's mine! It's mine!

Claire

[to Fleabag] The only person I'd run through an airport for is you.

Claire

Listen, I don't want to know anything about this surprise party but, if you could just, erm, have it at mine this Friday at 7:30, that'd be great. I can organise it and act surprised but if you could just, er... do you know what, why don't I just do it? I can organise it, do the food, act surprised, and just take it off your hands. I mean, I can see that you're busy, so...

Fleabag

OK, if you want.

Claire

Well, I don't want to, but I think it would be easier for everyone if I could just... OK. I mean, I've done it, it's done.

Fleabag

I did a fart the other day that was exactly like mum's.

Claire

A door opening or suspicious dark?

Fleabag

A door opening.

Claire

It means you're getting mum's bum.

Fleabag

God, I'd be lucky. My bottom dropped ages ago. My farts used to be like PAH! Now they're just fighting their way out.

Claire

I haven't farted in about three years.

Fleabag

Do you know what the lesbian app for Grindr is called? Twat nav.

Claire

Don't make this fun!

Claire

Putting pine nuts on your salad doesn't make you a grown-up.

Fleabag

[aside] Fucking does!

Claire

You'll always be fine. You'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. You just make me feel like I've failed.

Fleabag

Claire...

Claire

If you mention the size of my office, I will scream.

Fleabag

It's huge!