Now listen to me. I booked a room with a bath. When I book a room with a bath I expect to get a bath.
(confused) You've got a bath.
I'm not paying Seven Pounds Twenty Pence per night plus VAT for a room without a bath.
[goes into the bathroom] There is your bath.
You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful...
[quietly] I wish you were a mouse, I'd show you...
And another thing. I booked a room with a view.
[quietly to Manuel] Deaf, mad and blind. [Goes to the window] Yes, this is the view as I remember it, yes, yes, this is it.
When I pay for a room with a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
That is Torquay madam.
Well it's not good enough.
Well, may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...?
Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
You can see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.
I'd need a telescope to see that.
Well, then, may I suggest you move to a hotel nearer the sea? [mutters] Or preferably in it.
Now listen to me. I am not satisfied. However, I have decided to stay. But I shall expect a reduction.
Why, because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?
Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible and the radio doesn't work.
No, the radio works. [mutters] You don't.
What?
I'll see if I can fix it [mutters] you scabby old bat. (walks over to the radio and turns it up loud, then turns it off)
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