Well, it's not before time Father. I always thought you were one of the best priests in the country.
Thank you very much Mrs Doyle. One of the best? Or maybe the best? Hahaha, go on Mrs Doyle! Honestly, would you say I'm the best priest in the country at the moment?
Well...
If you don't think I'm the best priest in the country, just say so. I honestly won't mind!
I'd say you might be... the second best!
[Contrary to his previous statement, Father Ted looks very disappointed]
I mean --
No, it's alright! I'm not the best priest in the country, I'm only the second best. There's somebody better than me, apparently.
Well, Father, I was just thinking of those priests who work in very poor areas.
Oh yeah, of course, those lads! Father Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the likes!
Well, I think Archbishop Tutu is a Protestant man!
[Both laugh]
Hahaha, oh right! Oh great! So a Protestant is better than me.
[Mrs Doyle tries to console Ted]
No, no no, there's no need to continue this, I'm not the best, I'm just the second best. Apparently the Golden Cleric is a runner-up prize. Well, I'm so sorry! Obviously I'm just an idiot! Obviously I can't even say Mass properly!
Father, I was just --
NO! Don't take it back! THAT'S what you said! You said I wasn't the best priest in the country! That's fine! I just wanted to know where I stand. Obviously now I'm just going to have to jack it in.
WHAT?!
I'm leaving the priesthood!
BUT FATHER!
NO! I am going to write a letter to Bishop Brennan asking for early retirement and maybe when I go, you can ask the other priest; "Father Peter Perfect, the Perfect Priest" to come here and you can work for him since he's obviously such a great priest!
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