[Brian tries to apologize for his extremely racist tweet to an offended angry mob]
Hello. As you all know, I'm Brian Griffin.
[offscreen] Boo. Boo, Brian Griffin. Boo.
I want to read a few words.
Boo. Liar. Boo, Brian Griffin. Boo.
Anyway, I want to...
[still cuts off Brian] Boo. Apologize somewhere else. Boo. Boo, Brian, boo.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to apologize...
Why did you say "ladies" first? That's sexist!
It's just... It's just a standard greeting. Let... Let me start over. Gentlemen and ladies...
Ooh, says the man!
Okay, sorry, I... I, um. Humans in the audience...
I identify as a basketball!
Humans and basketballs...
I'm a parrot who mimics, but doesn't comprehend them!
Humans, basketballs, talking parrots, and-and whatever else is out there...
"Whatever"? It's whoever.
Actually, it's whomever.
Offended Woman No one likes you, Mary!
[Everyone continues clamoring]
All right, all right, just-just calm down, okay?
[Everyone stops clamoring]
Now you're tone policing us!
That makes me uncomfortable! Anything that makes me uncomfortable in 2017 should be illegal!
[when no one lets him apologize] You know what? [crumples up and throws his apology away] Fuck you! [everyone gasps in horror] I'm not a racist, all right? I just told a bad joke. There's a huge difference. But nobody on the internet ever takes the time to ask themselves "Is this worth freaking out over?", or "Are there bigger problems in this world than this tweet?" Well, I assure you there are! And just for the record, I love black people! I've watched tons of black porn! So what do you all want from me? Huh?! Do you wanna ruin my life?! Then congratulations, you did it! Everybody hates me! I can't leave the house without getting harassed, no one will hire me...
[from inside the house; offscreen] That was a problem before.
I can't turn on my phone without strangers telling me to kill myself, or that they're gonna kill my family! LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M THE SELF-RIGHTEOUS LIBERAL DOUCHEBAG, NOT YOU! I'VE KISSED A TRANSSEXUAL BEFORE! HOW MANY OF YOU CAN SAY THAT?! WHERE'S MY FUCKING MEDAL?! I AM SO FAR LEFT, I'M SPINNING IN CIRCLES, YOU SHITHEADS! INSTEAD OF KILLING MYSELF, I SHOULD KILL ALL OF YOU!
I'd like to see you try.
[In slow-motion, the man approaches Brian, and punches him in the nose]
Ow! Geez... [he returns to the house, with all the people clamoring and throwing stuff] Well, we started the dialogue.
You screamed: "black porn" at the top of your lungs in front of women and children.
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