We've had this conversation. Do yourself a favor and move on.
Oh, that's interesting, Brian, because l found this [takes out his trashed play] buried in the backyard next to your soup bone!
(gasps) Stewie, l...
You tried to destroy it, didn't you? I knew my play was good. Just like l knew your play was a mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired cliches. You have no idea how hard it was to sit in that theater with all those braying hyenas. Couldn't you tell something was up when Chris and the fat man could follow the plot? I mean, it took Peter a year to figure out "Stuart Little".
[Cutaway]
I just figured it out. "Stuart" means mouse.
No, Peter.
"Little" means mouse?
No, Peter.
I feel so old and in the way.
[Present]
It's still a good play!
It's filled with terrible double entendres, puns and stolen bits. There's a line in there from Seinfeld.
(panicking) I never saw that episode!
I have a voice. You understand that? A writer needs a voice and I have one. You don't. Your play panders to the lowest common denominator, Brian. And it doesn't even do that well!
(distraught) SHUT UP!
May every person who laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity, and pierce your heart like a knife.
[Stewie storms out. Beat. Brian begins to cry. He runs out in the backyard, breathing heavily. He sees a squirrel]
(angry) Get in here, you bastard! [chases the squirrel after he has it pinned on the grass] You stink and your play stinks!
This ain't about me, is it?
[breaks down crying] No... and l'm sorry.
More from this episode
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