[Stewie and Brian run into Quagmire and his niece Abby in line to see the mall's Santa]
Glenn? Glenn Quagmire? Wow! What are you doin' here?
[not surprised] Oh, hi, Brian. Just waitin' for Santa, like everyone else.
Cool, cool. We'll just hang with you guys. [approaches Quagmire's niece] Hey, who's this little guy? Is this your nephew? Hey, buddy! Are you excited to see Santa? Hope you've been a good boy this year.
[her eyes fill with tears]
That "little guy" is my niece Abby, you douche. Her hair's short because of the chemotherapy.
Uh-oh.
Do you know how much talking it took to get her outta the house because of her no-hair?
Gosh, I didn't know. I'm so sorry.
Oh, you're sorry? For what? That waiting in line is such a catastrophe for you'd rather destroy the confidence of a 5-year-old cancer patient?
Aw, c'mon. I didn't know she was dying.
Who said anything about dying?
Uncle Glenn, am I dying?
[holds her close] No, sweetheart, you're not dying, 'cause we're gonna see Santa, and he's gonna give you a new brain. [turns to Brian, angrily grinding his teeth] Get outta here, Brian. Just get out of here.
[Brian and Stewie do so]
Should've gone into politics, Bri.
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