How many times do I have to tell you kids, the Jamaicans do not sell records?
Or if they do, they're Sean Paul.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Back at school, I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe and Italian Greg in my case.
You did somethin' I didn't like, now I'm doin' somethin' you don't like.
You're lucky he didn't make you pay $12!
Tonya was such a big fan of Lisa Lisa, for a while we had to call her Tonya Tonya.
Hi, this is Chris Rock. I'd like to take this moment to say this television network does not condone the use of marijuana or any illegal substance, even if it's funny, so please don't sue me. Now, back to the show!
WMrs. Williams
Class, this is K9 Officer Kilo. Now, there's no reason to be afraid. He doesn't bite unless he's ordered to.
He's better-behaved than Naomi Campbell.
How do you know what weed smells like?
Scratch 'n sniff Rick James' sticker?
Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty we are free at last!
Greg, it's spring break, not the end of racism.
The janitor was like the Don "Magic" Juan of Camaros.
[after Chris accidentally runs over Greg with the car] White man down! White man down!
Dude! You hit me with a car.
Sounds like the title of an Ashton Kutcher movie.
So, where were we? Oh, that's right. You were trying to explain how you didn't run me over.
No, I didn't.
So that wasn't you behind the steering wheel when my face was smashed up against the windshield?
No, because if I had hit you, that meant I was driving someone's car, and that someone would go to jail for a really, really, really long time if we snitched. So, not only would you be hurt, he would be hurt also, and don't you think enough people have been hurt already?
OK, I get it. You didn't hit me.
Spoken just like Tina Turner.
Man, it's messed up!
That's OK. We've survived worse things. Remember the time we survived those Cuban drug runners?
[Cuban drug runners are threatening Greg with guns and a chainsaw]
CDCuban Drug Runner
Where's the drugs?!
We don't have any coke, but there's a Pepsi machine upstairs.
[we see a tear running down Greg's face as the Cuban drug runner speaks some Spanish]
Yeah, and remember the time we were captured by those Vietnamese guys?
[a Vietnamese guy spins a gun during a game of Russian roulette, which then points at Greg; he then punches him]
C'mon! Go ahead, Greg. Go ahead! [the Vietnamese guy punches him] It's gonna be OK. It's gonna be all right. [the Vietnamese guy punches Greg] GO AHEAD!
Go fish.
[the Vietnamese guy punches Chris and Greg]
Remember the time we took out that mobster? [to Greg] Leave the gun. Take the Pop-Tarts.
Yeah, we've had some crazy times.
Not only was it rainin' at the beach, back at home, it was rainin' on my parade.
Chris, is that your wrestlin' coach?
I guess that answers who they got arrested.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.