The truth is, I haven't been with that many women. I mean, the number of women I've been with you can count on no hands.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
HHolly
Can I watch TV? Thanks!
LLaurie
Okay, but don't go flipping the channels, because you never know what's going to be on.
Oh, come on. I'm sure if there was something objectionable on, there'll be a warning.
Spence, you should check out this performance artist show, she has the whole thing in the nude.
Wow, is it really good?
Spence, nude doesn't has to be good, nude just has to be nude.
PPage
I need you to be a part of the focus group.
Focus group?
PPage
Mmm. When they go down to the mall, and they round up a bunch of yokels, you know, average people, like you. They sit around and they watch my show and whatever they like is in, and whatever they hate - out.
Well, I don't get it. Wouldn't that lead to a lot of blend shows without originality or point of view? Ah, it all suddenly makes sense now.
One out of ten men are under five feet tall. Maybe more, we may have missed a few.
Would it be so hard to reach out and offer a helping hand? Just go next door and say: howdy, neighbor. You realize that if everybody in LA would do this... well, there'd be nobody home. They'd all be next door, wouldn't they?
Death, disease, famine
homelessness, abuse
I can't even watch
the 5 o'clock news
There could be an answer
it may not be too late
but it involves a transfer
try love instead of hate
All you can do
is be good to people
and hope that those people
will be good to you too
but good luck
I doubt it
A poem Ellen reads at the end of the first season. Longer version appears in her book, "My Point... And I Do Have One".
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ellen pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.