A character in Ellen
Played by Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen · 52 quotes
Most-quoted character in Ellen: in 44 of its 52 quotes
Most scenes with: Page (12), Joe (7), Spence Kovak (3)
Detective Ryan checking Ellen's apartment: Unsecured entry, unsecured entry, unsecured entry, unsecured entry. Why don't you just hang a sign in your window that says: "Rob me"?
EllenI had one, but someone stole it.
EllenJust think about it, because of what we are about to do, all of god's creatures will rest easy tonight. Except for the animals up all night hunting and killing each other. But you know, that's their business.
EllenSeven years. Seven years I've been coming down here doing laundry. If I had a quarter for every quarter I spent doing laundry, I wouldn't have spent any money.
EllenBoy, Ellen DeGeneres, I love her show. Do you think the rumors are true?
EllenWow, you're really lucky to be raised this way. You're just an amazing kid. And no matter how screwed up you'd get when you get older, you can always tell your psychiatrist "I know it's not my childhood."
EllenThe truth is, I haven't been with that many women. I mean, the number of women I've been with you can count on no hands.
EllenOne out of ten men are under five feet tall. Maybe more, we may have missed a few.
EllenWould it be so hard to reach out and offer a helping hand? Just go next door and say: howdy, neighbor. You realize that if everybody in LA would do this... well, there'd be nobody home. They'd all be next door, wouldn't they?
You may as well walk in there wearing an "I am a sucker" T-shirt.
EllenI actually have one of those. I can't believe I paid $60 for it!
Can't you just take one night off and help me, please?
EllenPage, there are 250,000 homeless people on our streets who would love to take the night off.
Not if they had to spend it with you.
EllenJoe, what's everybody's problem?
Well, life is essentially meaningless, yet death terrifies us.
Sometimes when God closes a door he opens a window.
EllenI know, I just feel like I wanna jump out of it.
EllenHaven't you ever had sex dreams about people?
Ellen, I'm a doer, not a dreamer.
EllenI'm going up against Ice?
Right here, right now. What do you think about that?
EllenI'll kill her.
Oh, that's the spirit.
EllenNo no no, I mean it. I'll kill you, Ice, you hear me? You're a dead woman. You are one dead gladiator. When I'm done with you, you won't even be a gladiator, you'll be a sadiator!
EllenJoe, relax. Nobody is looking for canadians.
Oh yeah, tell it to my friend Dylan. Ho, you can't, that's right, 'cause he's dead. Plugged from his cushy job as a lifeguard at Zuma Beach, taken up to The Yukon, thrown out of a moving truck with only his Speedos on. He froze to death before he hit the ground. (Joe removes his glasses and wipe tears)
EllenJoe, that's a sad story. Any of it true?
No.
I don't know about all this. It's just, it sort of seems like a big waste of time.
EllenWhat does?
You know, caring.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ellen pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
