AGAdam Green
You may as well walk in there wearing an "I am a sucker" T-shirt.
I actually have one of those. I can't believe I paid $60 for it!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
PPage
Can't you just take one night off and help me, please?
Page, there are 250,000 homeless people on our streets who would love to take the night off.
PPage
Not if they had to spend it with you.
Joe, what's everybody's problem?
Well, life is essentially meaningless, yet death terrifies us.
PPage
In a way it's good to have your hopes stashed, it's liberating. Takes the pressure off. Now I'm free to face each day for the joyless vacuum that it is.
Adam to a female painter: So, you like nude men.
It's kind of a coincidence, 'cause underneath these clothes I'm completely naked.
AAudry
Sometimes when God closes a door he opens a window.
I know, I just feel like I wanna jump out of it.
Detective Ryan checking Ellen's apartment: Unsecured entry, unsecured entry, unsecured entry, unsecured entry. Why don't you just hang a sign in your window that says: "Rob me"?
I had one, but someone stole it.
Haven't you ever had sex dreams about people?
PPage
Ellen, I'm a doer, not a dreamer.
I'm going up against Ice?
MAMike Adamle
Right here, right now. What do you think about that?
I'll kill her.
MAMike Adamle
Oh, that's the spirit.
No no no, I mean it. I'll kill you, Ice, you hear me? You're a dead woman. You are one dead gladiator. When I'm done with you, you won't even be a gladiator, you'll be a sadiator!
Joe, relax. Nobody is looking for canadians.
Oh yeah, tell it to my friend Dylan. Ho, you can't, that's right, 'cause he's dead. Plugged from his cushy job as a lifeguard at Zuma Beach, taken up to The Yukon, thrown out of a moving truck with only his Speedos on. He froze to death before he hit the ground. (Joe removes his glasses and wipe tears)
Joe, that's a sad story. Any of it true?
No.
PPage
I don't know about all this. It's just, it sort of seems like a big waste of time.
What does?
PPage
You know, caring.
Just think about it, because of what we are about to do, all of god's creatures will rest easy tonight. Except for the animals up all night hunting and killing each other. But you know, that's their business.
AAdam
Page, have sex with me. Maybe my seed will live on with you.
PPage
Oh. If we're all gonna die how will your seed gonna live on with me?
AAdam
I don't know, I read somewhere that women have an extra layer of fat. You are gonna survive longer in the cold.
PPage
Oh, that's supposed to be turning me on?
I was sure we were gonna die.
TTherapist
And what were you feeling?
Fear.
TTherapist
So you fear death?
Yeah. I guess that's why they call me Crazy Ellen. That and a tremendous amount of guilt.
TTherapist
Guilt? About what?
My whole life. Things I did do, things I didn't. Things I would've do but didn't do. Things I did do but shouldn't have done. Things I left undone and could've done but didn't do.
Ever think about having a baby, Joe?
O.k., I know where this is going, but I'm sorry, Ellen, I could never have a child with a woman I don't love.
I'm not asking you to have the baby with me.
I certainly can't have the baby without you.
Ellen, I know what you mean, I kinda miss Audrey too.
Really?
Yeah, it's kind of a drag not having her here. She does all the work I don't wanna do.
That would be all the work.
Well, yeah. It's like a nose hair. You hate it being there, but it hurts when you yank it out.
See, then you should write for Hallmark.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ellen pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.