Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Watson

OW! What the hell was that about?!

Don't be cross. It could have been a knife.

Watson

Ah, I take the bathroom is also a bust.

That depends. Can you think of any reason that Bell would have a lingerie catalog on which your head has been super-imposed on almost all of the models? (Watson looks outraged) He hasn't, but can you think of any reason he would?

Watson

You know what, I appreciate your concern with my safety, I really do, but I think we need to have a conversation about boundaries. Okay, you've given me this incredible window into what you do, and you know what? It is fascinating. But at the end of the day, I am not your apprentice, I am your sober companion.

No, you're not! No, you are not. You haven't been for quite some time.

Watson

Sherlock, what are you-?

I know that you lied to me several weeks ago, when you said that my father had renewed your contract. I found out when I telephoned him last week. I'm not angry. If anything, I am grateful. You saw that I was in a raw state and you stayed to see me through it. Now when I learned of the lie, however, I deliberately adopted a more sanguine mood. I wanted you to see that I was well again, so that you could move on. But the most curious thing happened: you stayed. Days passed, then a week. It became clearer and clearer that you were not staying for me, but for yourself.

Watson

Sherlock, I-

It's difficult for you to say aloud, I know. So I won't ask you to. Rather, I would ask you to consider a proposal: stay on permanently. Not as my sober companion, but as my companion. Allow me to continue to teach you, assist me in my investigations. In return you will receive a stipend that will, at least, equal the salary my father was paying you.

Watson

You don't even have a source of income.

I have certain funds set aside. You may continue to reside at the brownstone. You may reside elsewhere. You may also consider yourself relieved of any and all confidentiality burdens with regards to my sobriety. This is an important decision and I encourage you to discuss it with others. Explain what you have been to me, and what I believe you can be to me... a partner.

Oh, and lest you think this is an act of charity, a gift from a grateful client, let me assure you it is not. I am better with you Watson. I'm sharper, I'm more focused. Difficult to say why, exactly. Perhaps in time I'll solve that as well.

Watson

There's just one thing we're going to need for this to work.

Oh, what's that?

Ow!

Watson

Could have been a knife.

Sherlock

Strain yourself to be alert to the bizarre and the unusual; that which has no place in any given picture.

Watson

Like that stretch limo with the driver staring straight at us?

Watson

Hey, what's this?

Sherlock

You're a detective now, you tell me.

Watson

Ah, it looks like you left your dry cleaning ticket for me.

Sherlock

Which is why I am considering possibility two.

Watson

(looks at board) It's blank.

Sherlock

Possibility two has stubbornly refused to reveal itself.

Watson

Well, keep staring at the wall, I'm sure it's hiding in there somewhere.

Watson

You think you can find the guy from a patch?

Stranger things, Watson...

How, in this case, does "A" lead to "B"?

Watson

Maybe "A" didn't lead to "B"... maybe "B" led to "A".

Would you please give [Captain Gregson] this message? "Fairly certain E-R-O-C will be robbed today, connected to security guard murder, Sherlock Holmes. Over." Right, we need to get to East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Watson

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought the whole reason we left the house was because we could not reach the police.

Well, we have no idea if they're going to get the message, or whether they can spare the manpower if by some miracle they do get the message. And we don't even have any proof. No, the most sensible course is for us to go to EROC ourselves.

Watson

And do what? What if there are fifty commandos shooting up the place?

Well, I have my whistle. (Watson starts to protest) I don't know what's gonna happen next! That's what makes this an adventure. So, Pam, very sorry to do this, but we're commandeering this vehicle on behalf of the NYPD. Let's go!

(unimpressed) You, get out. (to Watson) You, I can give a ride home to if you want.

Yesterday you complained when I took Ms. Hudson in.

Watson

Yesterday I was upset because you brought a stranger into our shared living space without asking. Today she's no longer a stranger. I like Ms. Hudson. You know, she's lost. She's just trying to figure herself out.

You identify with her. She's like you were before you met me.

Watson

What?

Lost, trying to figure yourself out.

Watson

No, I reject that analogy. I just want to help her. I think it would be good if Ms. Hudson learned to take care of herself, that's all.

Two years ago, Charles Milverton referred a client to 'The Sheriff.' His name was Abraham Zelner, a morbidly obese man who wanted to sue an airline for removing him from a flight. Zelner was the only client that Milverton referred. Earlier we were theorizing that 'HENRY8' was Milverton's accomplice. Henry the Eighth, as I'm sure you're aware, was the fattest monarch in British history.

Watson

So you think Zelner was his accomplice, and that Milverton gave him that code name because he was heavyset?

Orson Welles was heavyset. Abraham Zelner could pull small moons out of orbit.

(answers phone) The Brownstone is on fire, my bees have escaped, and there is a giant comet headed for Manhattan.

Watson

Excuse me?

The way the evening is going, I thought you could only be calling with more good news.

Watson

You're in the danger zone also.

Gregson

I've been a cop for 30 years! I carry a gun!

Watson

[muttering] And a penis.

Joan

It seems like this is very personal. Are you sure you want me to come along?

Sherlock

Without you the airline might seat me next to a morbidly obese person, or a child, or a morbidly obese child.