Sherlock Holmes quotes from Elementary

Dr. Joan Watson

Stop it.

Sherlock Holmes

Stop what?

Dr. Joan Watson

Imagining me on a line like that, coming to see you.

Sherlock Holmes

Truthfully, I'd rather you not visit me in prison.

Dr. Joan Watson

Why?

Sherlock Holmes

I'd hate for you to see me in a place like this.

Dr. Joan Watson

You're not going to prison.

Sherlock Holmes

If you like, we could write letters.

Dr. Joan Watson

I'm not writing you letters.

Sherlock Holmes

I'll have other correspondents: C, Moriarty--

Dr. Joan Watson

That's still going on?!

Morland Holmes

I let myself in. I hope you don't mind.

Sherlock Holmes

It's your property, Father, you can do as you please.

Morland Holmes

You don't look well.

Sherlock Holmes

You look as spry as ever. My compliments to the virgins whose blood you bathe in.

Morland Holmes

I see the opiates haven't dulled your wit.

Sherlock Holmes

Nor has old age withered yours.

Dr. Joan Watson

I convinced him that he could use our expertise in neuroeconomics.

Sherlock Holmes

Are you an expert in neuroeconomics?

Dr. Joan Watson

I mean, compared to an FBI agent, apparently.

Dr. Joan Watson

What about a motive?

Sherlock Holmes

Spies don't have motives, they have orders.

Morland Holmes

Was I expecting you?

Sherlock Holmes

Not to my knowledge. But I can't rule out you having foreseen it via the black arts.

Morland Holmes

I came because I would like to make a confession.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, I would dial the authorities for you, but I wouldn't know which ones.

Morland Holmes

You know yourself, Sherlock. You know who you are, you know who you were. Ask yourself: When you were a boy, could anyone have parented you?

Sherlock Holmes

I can think of one person.

Sherlock Holmes

At the very least this has proven the wisdom of continuously training in the combat arts. You do of course need to work on your defense. You allowed Cortez to land far too many punches.

Dr. Joan Watson

I did. But all that matters is that I landed the last one.

Det. Marcus Bell

What are you doing?

Sherlock Holmes

These were chained to a lamppost down the street.

Det. Marcus Bell

And you figured you'd steal them?

Sherlock Holmes

I'm re-stealing them. I peruse the crime blotter when I'm bored. And these were stolen in Chelsea last month.

Det. Marcus Bell

And you're just gonna walk around with them for the rest of the day.

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, don't be ridiculous. This one's for you.

Dr. Joan Watson

You read it.

Sherlock Holmes

I did.

Dr. Joan Watson

You're not mad?

Sherlock Holmes

Should I be?

Dr. Joan Watson

Of course you should, you're you!

Dr. Joan Watson

Then why did you just give her two bugs? You know she's not going to say anything incriminating when she's around them.

Sherlock Holmes

Actually, Watson, only one of them was a bug. The other was a flash bang.

Dr. Joan Watson

You gave her a bomb?!

Sherlock Holmes

It was a very small bomb, with a very big bang.

Sherlock Holmes

Mind if I call you Cassie? I'd call you by your real name, but you're refusing to give it.

Cassie is fine.

Sherlock Holmes

Sorry I missed your arrest and booking, but I've been coordinating the effort to identify you. To my great surprise, your fingerprints aren't in AFIS.

Of course they aren't. I've never committed any crimes.

Sherlock Holmes

You've never been caught.

Is there a difference?

Sherlock Holmes

So how old are you, really?

Fifteen. No wait, twenty-five. Or maybe it's some other number.

I hope you come to my trial. It should be fun.

Sherlock Holmes

You think you can lie your way out?

I do. Now tell me, am I lying?

Det. Marcus Bell

Hey, I didn't think I'd catch you here. Joan said you were at a meeting. Just...returning a book she loaned me.

Sherlock Holmes

She needed your help carrying it upstairs, did she?

Det. Marcus Bell

Well, she was moving some furniture around, needed a hand....

Sherlock Holmes

Should I sit on the bride's side or the groom's?

Dr. Joan Watson

Excuse me?

Sherlock Holmes

Your upcoming nuptials with Detective Bell. I assume the workout which sent you to the shower foretells that happy day.

Dr. Joan Watson

What are you talking about?

Sherlock Holmes

I'm well aware you have an enlightened attitude when it comes to the hedonic arts, but Marcus is a cautious, conservative man when it comes to affairs of the heart. If he's embarked upon a physical relationship with a co-worker, it must be that serious.

Dr. Joan Watson

Marcus was here, I took a shower, so obviously we are secret lovers.

Sherlock Holmes

I was mistaken. You don't know what my partner looks like naked.

Det. Marcus Bell

Speak up, would you? I don't think the guys in the cell heard you.

Sherlock Holmes

Why didn't you just tell me you were taking the sergeant's exam on Friday?

Det. Marcus Bell

Joan told you she was helping me study?

Sherlock Holmes

What do you think?

Det. Marcus Bell

I think you saw the books on my desk just now.

Sherlock Holmes

If you wanted help studying, why not just come to me? I'm a gifted instructor; Watson is living proof.