El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera quotes

[after taking down El Oso] Mom, may I be excused from the table to take El Oso to jail?

El Oso

Aw, man, I almost got rid of the prison lice. And I'm gonna bust out again, anyways.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maria

Manny, wait, he's right.

He is?

El Oso

I am?

Maria

Yes. Since I've been back, you fought El Oso 17 times. He doesn't need jail, he needs to change.

Villains can't change, Mom.

Maria

Well, maybe they would, if someone taught them about compassion and anger management. Oh, and how to be lice-free.

I really think...

Maria

No, Manny. My mind is made up. I'll make Miracle City a better place from the bottom up. This I swear!

Manny

I can't believe it. They turned down every chance to steal, pillage, and punch me in the face. Maybe they really do want to change.

Frida

Yeah. Hey, how about I heat some churros. That'll cheer you up.

Manny

No, Frida. I wanna watch my mother change people for the good.

Maria

[drops the "One Week Without Evil" cake on the ground when she sees the fighting] What's going on?

Why don't you tell her, Dr. Betrayal?

Uh… We were just, um… We were…

El Oso

We were about to pull off the heist of the century, man. The Miracle City Mint.

Maria

But, you said you wanted to change.

We lied. Dr. Chipotle Sr. advises you to DEAL with it.

Maria

[incredibly infuriated] DEAL WITH IT?! YOU SORRY, STINKING HALF-TIN MAN! YOU AIN'T GONNA ROB THE MINT ON MY WATCH!

Frida

The churros. The churros! TAKE ME INSTEAD! [sobbing]

Maria

[to her mijo] You were right, mijo. People can't change.

What are you talking about? You were right! People can change! El Cucharon saved the day!

Dr. Chipotle Sr. is going to be sick. [Frida stuffs a churro in his mouth to shut him up, causing him to have an allergic reaction]

I don't know what you are, but hero is definitely not the word for it! Now please leave before you… CAUSE A SCENE!

The Hero-Meter is never wrong.

You should have spent less time grooming yourself and more time grooming your successor.

Uh, well, who cares what those stupid heroes think?

I... don't care at all. And if they won't let you in, I'm not going.

No, Dad, you should go get your award. Don't miss it because of me.

I couldn't possibly.

I want you to. Someone has to show those laughing hyenas that Rivera men don't back down. Right?

Manny

Oh, I hate this. There's gotta be some way I can make it up to him.

Breaking News: We interrupt the Celebration of Heroes to take you to the Celebration of Heroes. Sartana of the Dead is attacking the convention center.

[along with the other heroes, all facing her] Forget it, Sartana. You'll never get in!

I don't have to. Because you'll never get out! [cackles and strums her mystic guitar, creating an unbreakable force field around the convention center and trapping all the heroes]

Grandpapi

They all stuck in there? Is time for the list! [takes out his list of robberies] "Places I hasn't robbed yet. Numero #1, the place that only sells light bulbs." Have fun, children!

Frida

Superheroes, cops, fire fighters. Every hero in the city is out of commission!

Manny

No. There's still... [spins his belt and changes into…] El Tigre!

Frida

Uh, I hate to puke in your piñata, but didn't that Hero-meter thing-y say you're not a hero?

Time to prove it wrong.

[after taking down five criminals] That's five down.

Frida

Two-million to go.

Soon, Quetzalcoatl's Stone will be mine! Combined with my mystic guitar… I WILL RULE THE WORLD! [enters the Hall of Gems and climbs up the steps of her banditos] At last, I will have the power I need to… [gasps as she finds the stone being replaced by a rubber duck]

This what you're looking for? [spinning the stone with the tip of his finger]

Impudent boy, that stone is mine! Banditos, END THEM!

Sartana, I challenge you to a game. If you win, I'll give you the stone. If I win, I get your guitar.

Oh, I love this game! Set 'em up.

The stone, where will she land? [hides the stone in one of the cups and shuffles them] So, is it somewhere there? Is it somewhere where? [pan up to reveal that he has hidden the stone in his nose]

[points to the cup in the middle] Ah-ha. There!

[lifts up the cup, revealing the stone is not there, to Sartana's shock] Oh, too bad.

[surprised] Incredible! Where could it have gone?

Fool! Did you really think I would give you my mystic guitar? Listen well to the music of your DOOM! [strums her "mystic guitar," which is soon revealed that Frida swapped it with a broomstick]

Frida

You gotta keep an eye on your stuff when there's no cops around.

Manny, what you did was amazing! Not the way I would have done it, but still amazing. You have proven yourself a true hero. [tears up, happily] My hero.

[impressed] That was great, kid. We never doubted you for a second. [winks]

Like I said, that Hero-Meter is never right.

We know that your father is a coward!

Manny

[changes into El Tigre and hangs the three bullies up on the chandelier; angrily] It's not nice to spit lies about my father!

It's no lie. We heard the man at the bodega say White Pantera once ran away from a fight with... El Mal Verde.

My father is no coward! LIAR!

Maria

[off-screen] Manuel Pablo Gutierrez O'Brian Equihua Rivera!

Librarian! [they all escape from the hallway]

Maria

Put down those unsanitary boys and come here, right now. [gestures to Frida as she's about to walk away] You too, Frida.

[as Manny grumpily puts him and his friends down on the floor; smugly] Lucky your mom showed up.

Manny

Those jerks insulted the Rivera family name! They made up some crazy story about Dad running away from a guy called, El Mal Verde.

Maria

[gasps in horrified shock] El Mal Verde.

Frida

Who is this guy? He sounds like bad salsa.

Maria

El Mal Verde is the biggest, meanest, most vicious bandito of all time! Every 10 years, he comes down from the peak of Mount Tortura and attacks Miracle City. Once, some superheroes went to stop him, but they… [starts to hyperventilate] Then your father, he went up, too, and…

Manny

And? AND?!

Maria

[gasping and panting] And… you should talk to him about it!

Manny

Oh, I understand. I understand that my father… is a coward!

Rodolfo

[incredibly outraged with a fiery background] COWARD?! [Manny, Grandpapi, Señor Chapi, and Little Mule all gasp in shock; insulted] If that is what you think of me… [calmly] then, there is nothing left to say.