El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera quotes

Manny

[playing a video game system while riding the Luxe Scooter] This video game is so realistic!

Frida

Yeah, they totally got my goggles right.

Manny

Luxe Scooters! Could anything be better?

Something is better. Changing course to nearest "Luxeteria." [Manny and Frida's Luxe Scooters change courses to the nearest Luxe shop and inside is an even newer product] Behold, the LuxePod.

[amazed] Ooh!

The LuxePod. A self-contained leisure, relaxation, and entertainment environment.

Manny

It has video games from the future!

Frida

It has a built-in toilet!

Manny

Where are we gonna get the money? We've found, stolen, and returned every pet in Miracle City.

Frida

There's got to be a way to get it, 'cause we've gotta get Luxepods! [looks at the missing poster of Taco as the winds unfolds it, revealing the price from $100 to $100,000] Santa Claus!

Manny

Okay, that's enough money. We are going to Calavera! [changes into El Tigre]

You like a hot dog, señor?

The only dog I'm looking for is a taco.

We're all looking for a taco, compadre. And I think we're hungrier than you.

Manny

I think we did the right thing. Like my dad says, [imitating Rodolfo] "You don't need money to have fun."

Frida

And check it out, I still have these. [takes out the household garbage-made roller skates she kept]

Manny

This is gonna be awesome if we survive!

[chanting] Matadors! Matadors! Matadors! [they get beaten up by another team off-screen and return, all battered and bruised; chanting weakly] Matadors, Matadors, Matadors.

Rodolfo

Referee! That team is not of middle school age!

Manny

Dad, how can we win the championship for Miracle City if we're the only team in the league that doesn't cheat?

Rodolfo

[kneels down] Now, Manny, wouldn't you rather lose with honor than win with dishonor?

Manny

Oh, well... What was the question again?

Grandpapi

[sighs] What has become of my Matadors? When I played, we beat every team in the league.

General Chapuza

[laughs] Not every team.

Grandpapi

Aye! [darkly] General Chapuza, you old nemesis, you.

General Chapuza

Your Miracle City Matadors have never beaten my Calavera Zombies. And this year will be no different. Especially with me coaching a team led by my grandson, Che.

Grandfather, when may I torment and destroy the Matadors?

General Chapuza

[patting his grandson's head] Soon, my grandson, soon. [he and his grandson leave, both laughing evilly]

Grandpapi

This year, the Matadors will defeat the zombies! THIS I SWEAR!

Manny

So, let me get this straight. If you cheat, you win. If you don't cheat, people throw rocks at you?

Rodolfo

Rocks of honor.

Grandpapi

Back in my day, Miracle City won every trophy imaginable. Except for the League Championship.

Frida

And we're not gonna win it this year with no-cheaty-petey coaching us.

Grandpapi

Then I will not have my revenge on General Chapuza. Oh, well. Nothing we can do about it, sí?

Manny

[holding a grapefruit basket as he enters his father's room] I brought you a grapefruit basket, Dad… uh… to go with the other ones. [zoom out to reveal lots of grapefruit baskets]

Manny

I couldn't do it. As much as I wanted that trophy, honor was more important.

Rodolfo

Yes, mijo. And someday, people will respect you from this decision. But for now… [dashes away] RUN!!!

Manny

Sancho Panza! Free toilet paper! [laughs deviously; later… uses all the toilet paper to cover City Hall] Ah, it's a thing of beauty.

NO! It is a thing of ugly! Clean… now!

Manny

I am here to help. I am here to help.

Frida

Dude, that's starting to creep me out.

[talking to Aaron; sweetly] Aaron, you haven't done your homework in weeks. [sternly] This is it! Turn in your assignment tomorrow, or you will be EXPELLED!!!

No more school? Wow, thanks.

[serious] Young man, you need help.

Class, not only did Aaron do his homework, [chuckles] he got a perfect score on today's pop quiz! [places a gold star on Aaron's forehead]

This one's for you, Manny! Thanks for helping.

Frida

You did a good thing, dude. [gives Manny a thumbs up]

[to a blonde haired boy as he's about to have a sloppy joe] You are wearing new white shirt and are about to eat a sloppy joe. To keep your shirt clean, from now on you will eat only crackers. Flavorless, dry crackers! [then to a punk haired boy, who's struggling to open a jar of hair dye] Lack of muscle tone is unhealthy. Do 10,000 push-ups... A day! [the boy starts doing push-ups; to a brown boy, playing with a yo-yo] Stop wasting time with that yo-yo and do something constructive, like... [tosses him a banjo] Learn to play the banjo! Play better! [to a blonde girl while hanging upside down] And you. High heels are bad for your arches. TAKE 'EM OFF! [the girl quickly takes off her high heels; to everyone in the school] El Tigre is here! To… HELP! [echoes]

Frida

Manny, you can't force people to change. But you're not doing it to me, so who cares, right? All right, let's get going.

Going?

Frida

Yeah, me and the Atomic Sombreros are doing a lunch concert, remember?

This band thing is going nowhere, Frida. You need to give it up and learn something practical, like how to tap dance!

Frida

[gasps in shock] Give up my band?! Wait, now you are doing it to me!

[shaking irately] I said… LEARN TO TAP DANCE! [smiles and leaves]

Somebody should really do something about that guy, huh?

Frida

Yeah. Somebody should. [later in a closet, she assembles all the students for a meeting] People, I want Help-zilla out, and the old Manny back. And Sergio here has an idea how we can do it.

[stepping in] I believe I know someone who can help. Someone who can… show El Tigre the error of his ways.

Frida

Like a counselor, right?

[laughs] Yes. A counselor. [starts laughing maniacally] Uh, I, uh, I just remembered a joke.

[examining his statue] Man, I look good.

You look like a BULLY!

[turns around, seeing Frida and all the other students angrily facing him] Frida? What is this?

Frida

[sternly] Manny, there's someone I want you to talk to. Where's Sergio's friend?

[drops down in front] Here!

Frida

Ooh, this may have been a mistake.

It's over, pardner! No more bullying these fine-a folks!

Bullying them? I was helping them. Right, guys? [the other students tear down his statue] I thought I was doing good.

Frida

Pst.

Manny

You would say that.

Frida

I swear I didn't mean for this to happen, Manny. You've gotta help us.

Manny

I was helping. How could you do this to me? Don't you know you can't force people to change?

Frida

Yeah, I know that. Do you?

Manny

Of course, I- [realizes] Oh… This, this is all my fault.

Frida

Yep.

Manny

I need my belt.

Manny

[anxious to win] Oh, I've gotta win! Taking care of Zebra Donkey is my destiny! We have so much in common. It's like, we're the same guy.

Frida

That's beautiful, dude. But I hope you sold a lot of raffle tickets.

Manny

I sold a few.

And now, our Zebra Donkey winner is... [rips open the envelope as Manny crosses his fingers] MANNY RIVERA!

Manny

[screams in excitement and runs around outside the school, whooping, and runs back inside] WOW! I just wanna say, I'm gonna give Zebra Donkey the best Zebra Donkey week of his Zebra Donkey life! He'll remember it as long as he lives!