Why are you doing this to me, Fraser?
Well, I told him I'd help.
You tell that to everybody!
All S1
S1 E13A Hawk and a Handsaw
Fraser, there's a guy on my corner who asks me every morning if I've seen God. Do you think he really expects me to point him out?
Well, you know, if you did, Ray, perhaps he'd stop asking.
You know, the Inuit have sixty words to describe snow, Ray. One third of them concern the color.
Eskimos don't have a lot to do in the winter, huh?
Delusional people don't simply make things up.
Yes, they do! That's the unique quality that makes them delusional!
There's something going on inside that hospital, Ray.
You're crazy!
That's a good idea.
PPsychiatrist
So you're a Mountie, are you?
A Constable. Royal Canadian Mounted Police, yes.
PPsychiatrist
Here in Chicago.
Well, you see, I used to live in the Yukon. But I uncovered a plot that involved drowning caribou, and then some men who were dressed in white came after me with homicidal intentions. It's a rather long story - it takes exactly two hours to tell - but the upshot of it was that I was sent here. [conspiratorially] I think I embarrassed some people in the government.
PPsychiatrist
Do you have anyone who can vouch for you here?
Well, yes. There's my wolf. Although, I'm not sure he would vouch for me - if you know anything about lupine behavior you know how moody they are, and on top of that, he's deaf.
[notices peephole in the wall] Ray, who did you tell you were coming here?
Nobody, why? [he is grabbed by a thug with a gun] I misunderstood the question, I told everybody I know! I told the State's Attorney, I told the Sheriff, I even told my mother!
MMartins
Don't come out here! Not unless you want them scraping us both off the pavement.
Am I wearing a funny hat? Do I look like a Mountie? Jump! What do I care?
S1 E14An Eye For An Eye
This what's wrong with you, Fraser. You see a problem and you've gotta fix it. You can't even go to the men's room without stopping to tell some simple, stupid, charmingly witty Inuit story that inspires people to take on the world's social ills.
Well, I'm sorry, Ray, but I fail to see how a small group of people banding together to form a neighborhood watch constitutes a form of political anarchy.
FOFirst Old Man
No! This is my post! Sixteenth and Morgan, it's marked right here on the map!
SOSecond Old Man
You're guarding my building? You, who twice cheated me at canasta?
FOFirst Old Man
I didn't cheat you, old fool! You fell asleep and missed your turn!
Oh, the neighborhood's definitely in safe hands now.
Aw, no, Fraser - not another dumpster! I am not getting in a dumpster with you.
Gimme the bat!
KKid
No!
Come on! Now be a good kid, and give the detective the bat.
KKid
No! I found it. Get your own!
Give it!
KKid
No!
Ray. Ray. Now, children are just like people, only smaller. All you have to do is reason with them. [crouches down] Now, son, that bat is important evidence in a criminal investigation, and we'd be most grateful if you'd cooperate.
KKid
A hundred bucks!
I see. Ray?
Okay, kid - can you spell 'penitentiary'? Let's try it together: P-E-N-
KKid
Okay! Here!
Leftenant, the responsibility for this is entirely mine.
Oh, I'm sure it is. You know, just once I'd like somebody who isn't a Mountie to come into my station and confess.
Thank you very kindly, Leftenant - and as usual, our conversation has been extremely helpful.
I'm so glad, Constable.
Also, sir, I think you'll be pleased to know that I've taken the liberty of officially reprimanding myself.
Good, good. Put it in the file with the rest of them.
You're not a mind reader, Fraser, you're just Canadian. Come on - maybe he'll blurt out a spontaneous confession.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Due South pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.