Add one small jar of oregano
S2 E8The Big High
Add four of five good-sized cloves of garlic
Mix together with an electric mixer
Add five chopped Bermuda onions as you mix
Add one quart vanilla ice cream
S2 E9The Big Ad
HFHarvey Forrester
Lousy, sloppy drunk.
Don't knock her, Forrester, she had a good reason to drink.
HFHarvey Forrester
And what's that?
Being married to you.
S2 E10The Missing Realtor
EJEsther Jenkins
I always carry them (credit cards) with me.
CKCarl Keegan
I hope you're not accusing me of taking them.
Well, now maybe your name's Esther Jenkins. That's what it says on these credit cards.
CKCarl Keegan
You can't do a thing until I talk to my attorney.
(Showing her the credit cards) Mrs. Jenkins?
EJEsther Jenkins
Yes, those are mine alright.
BBill
(to Keegan) Alright, put your hands behind your back.
CKCarl Keegan
Just a minute. Who do you think you're pushing around?
We're not pushing you around, but since you don't seem to know, I'll tell you what your name is. It's Carl Keegan. You killed a realtor by the name of Lily Burnham. Just like you would have this woman (Jenkins) if she'd found out you stole these cards.
CKCarl Keegan
You can't prove any of that.
Well, we're gonna try.
CKCarl Keegan
You made a mistake, and I'm not going to pay for it.
You gonna use a credit card?
S2 E18The Big Prophet
Friday [to a drug dealer who is trying to pass drugs off as similar in effect to alcohol]: I'll tell you what I know. I know in fact too many kids that begin with pot end up in heroin, then onto LSD. I know if you drink you suffer a loss of judgment if you drink to excess, but I also know that judgment returns when you sober up. I know, and so do you, that when you flip out on an acid trip you never know when you're gonna slip out again. This is now, Bentley, not a couple of years ago. We've had time now to see and study the effects of LSD. People who haven't had a dose in weeks sail out on another trip, they never know when. The minute they've dropped one acid capsule or ingested it in any way, they bought the farm. They've lost the chance to depend on or even restore that most precious of all inner senses: judgment. And in my way of thinking, without judgment you might as well be dead; your brain is, so why not the rest of you?
BDBentley, the drug dealer
We were talking about marijuana.
We still are; marijuana is the flame, heroin is the fuse, LSD is the bomb. So don't you try to equate liquor with marijuana, mister, not with me. You may sell that jazz to another pothead but not to somebody who spends most of their time holding some sick kid's head while he vomits and retches sitting on a curbstone at 4:00 in the morning. And when his knees get enough starch back in them so he can stand up and empty his pockets, you can bet he'll turn out a stick or two of marijuana, and you can double your money that he'll be holding a sugarcube or a cap or two, so don't you con me with your mind expansion slop! I deal with kids every day. I try to clean up the mess people like you make out of them. I'm the expert here; you're not!
S3 E17The Big Little Jesus
FFrank
Christmas cards, huh? A little late, aren't you?
Well, I was going to send them out Monday, but we had that stakeout.
S3 E25Juvenile (DR-35)
FDFat Donna
[After abandoning her newborn in a trash can] What's going to happen to me?
That's up to the court, and your conscience. Or did you throw that away too, while you were at it?
S4 E17A.I.D. – The Weekend
Spread cream cheese on one slice of pumpernickel
Spread peanut butter on another slice of pumpernickel
Crush a clove of garlic and let the juices drip onto the cream cheese
Place the pumpernickel slice with peanut butter on top of the slice with cream cheese and serve
Show introduction
AAnnouncer
Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dragnet pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.