June Colburn quotes from Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23

June

So I told Mark I liked him, and the next thing I know, we're having sex.

Chloe

So you started talking with your mouth and you ended talking with your genitals. I have to say, June, I'm deeply impressed.

June

It was awful.

Chloe

Yes, I know, it can be emotionally confusing and awful and terrible.

June

No, no, no. I don't mean emotionally awful. I mean the sex itself was literally mechanically awful. I'm talking... about people who... don't even... know... what sex is. Like, bad, sweaty, clunky sex. Like two... babies having... intercourse.

Chloe

Gross, June! Why'd you have to put that image in my head? I'm about to go to Little League. That's my new crazy story for AA—I'm gonna cause a drunken scene at Little League, kiss a father, and then grab a metal bat out of a kid's hand and just start swinging.

June

I know you said it doesn't bother you that Melinda St. Claire is number one in Ben's cycle. But you can't pretend that you're not feeling hurt. He's your number one, and you're not his. That is jacked up.

Chloe

June, I've already moved on to other guys in my rotation. I don't really care.

June

Shh! [puts her finger on Chloe's mouth] Just let the perfect breakup song heal your wounds.

Chloe

Take your finger off my face.

June

Sorry. That was too much.

Chloe

June, I don't care how Ben ranks his cycle. Why do you think I date six guys at a time? For exactly this reason. One gets annoying, another one slips right in. It's how Pat Riley ran the Knicks, it's how I run my sex life.