Doctor Who quotes

I've never met such idiots as those Customs men.

Idiots? They're worse than idiots, they're bureaucrats. They just exist to tangle people up, wrap them round and round in red tape until they can't move...

Yes, and I'd like to know just who you are.

Me?

Yes.

Well I told you, I'm from Galactic.

Galactic went out of business 20 years ago [in 2096].

I wondered why I hadn't been paid.

Well, that's not good enough.

That's what I thought!

And you invented this marvelous machine to collect your specimens? You know, I knew a man once who toyed with an idea like this. What was his name, a Professor... Professor Stein?

Tryst

Professor Stein!

Yes.

Tryst

[delighted] Oh! A dear friend! He was my mentor! We worked on this idea together before he died, of course. Then we stopped.

First a collision, then a dead navigator and now a... monster roaming about my ship. Well it's totally inexplicable!

Nothing's inexplicable.

Then explain it!

[awkward pause] ...It's inexplicable.

The vraxoin must be found.

Yes, bad stuff.

Bad stuff? It's the worst! I've seen whole planets ravaged by it while the merchants make fortunes.

Your people knew it would be on board, did they?

My people?

Well, you're an agent, aren't you?

No! I'm the Doctor; I keep telling you that.

Yes, but who do you work for?

W... Work for? I don't work for anybody. I'm just having fun.

Well, everybody works for somebody...

Tryst

Oh! I'm so delighted that you're taking an interest in my CET machine.

I'm absolutely amazed.

Tryst

Yes! Well, it is rather impressive, isn't it?

No, I mean I'm amazed at you, Tryst, using a machine like this when it's still so primitive. The whole thing's utterly unstable.

Tryst

[stammering] ...Well, I value your opinion, Doctor...

Good, good, I value my life, and this machine makes me fear for it!

Tryst

It does?

Yes!

Tryst

Well, what do you think is so wrong?

Well, at a rough guess, I'd say the spatial integrator... transmutation oscillator... hologistic retention circuit, shall I go on?

Tryst

Oh, yes...

Dimensional osmosis damper?

Tryst

Ah... the what?

[shocked] You mean you haven't even got a dimensional osmosis damper!?

Tryst

Ahh...

Professor, you don't realize how unstable this machine is!

[impenetrably officious] Names, and dates of birth. Come on, come on...

Romana.

Romana who?

Would you please listen? Someone aboard this ship is smuggling drugs.

Name, and date of birth.

Well, how would I know? I don't even know who he is yet.

Your name and date of birth.

Oh! Oh well... I'm called the Doctor... Date of birth, difficult to remember, sometime quite soon, I think.

Ah! Oh! My fingers! My arms! My legs! AH! My everything! Ohhhhhh....

Romana, you've got two minutes, fifty-eight seconds to rebuild this machine!

What, this?

Yes!

The CET?

Yes!

Are you joking?

Do I look as if I'm joking? Well?

Well, I'll need a screwdriver...

Romana II

Don't you think that's a bit dangerous?

No I don't. What could possibly go—

—wrong. You know, I've simply got to stop saying that! Every single time I say "What could possibly go wrong" something goes—

It's uncanny! Isn't it?

Have you noticed how people's intellectual curiosity begins to decline the moment they start waving guns about?

Can you make it work?!

Yes. Oh yes, I can make it work. The question is, can we generate power soon enough to take the ship to escape velocity before we fall into a black hole with an event horizon.

What?

Shush. You just hold the gun steady. Don't tax your mind.

Why don't you give me the gun and then I can keep an eye on myself so I don't get up to any funny business.

Here, take this you might need it. [passes Romana his sonic screwdriver]

Romana II

No thank you. I've made my own.

Oh really? [takes Romana's sonic screwdriver] Really? You made this? Not bad, a bit basic though. Thank you! [passes Romana his sonic screwdriver] Now... [puts Romana's sonic screwdriver in his pocket]

Romana II

Uh, Doctor? [Taps the doctor's shoulder with his sonic screwdriver]

Yes?

[Slightly annoyed he was caught swapping the screwdrivers] Oh, ha ha, so sorry.

Estimated time to impact?

Master?

How long have we got?

Estimated time to impact-

That's what I said!

89.4 seconds.

89.4 seconds? No dematerialisation, no defence shields and only half power on full drive. K-9, I think we're going to find out what it's like to be a cricket ball. [to the TARDIS] Well, it's been a great, great partnership old girl.

Master.

Oh K-9, This is no time for emotional quibbling you two. You've been a good dog to me, K-9. [hangs a "first prize" ribbon on K-9] The best I ever had!

Thank you Master. Time to impact now 58 seconds dead.

I wish you wouldn't say things like that, K-9.

You know K-9, sometimes I think I'm wasted just rushing about the universe saving planets from destruction. With a talent like mine I might have been a great slow bowler.