Clara Oswald quotes from Doctor Who

You're doing it again.

Doing what?

You're smiling.

Yes, I'm smiling.

It's the sad smile. It's a smile but you're sad. It's like two emotions at once. It's like you're malfunctioning.

Well, he has... tried to entice me here before. Free tickets. Mysterious summons. He even phoned the TARDIS number, you know how difficult that number--

So, you knew. You knew that this was no relaxing break, you knew that was dangerous!

I didn't know! I certainly hoped.

Okay, this, you see? This is why I'm leaving you, this, because you lied, you lied to me again. And now you've made me lie. You made me your... accomplice!

I couldn't risk Gus finding out my plan and stopping me.

So you were… pretending to be heartless?

Would you like to think that about me? Would that make it easier? I didn't know if I could save her. I couldn't save Quell, I couldn't save Moorhouse. There was a good chance that she'd die too. At which point… I would have just moved on to the next… and the next, until I beat it. Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.

Is it (travelling in the TARDIS) like....

... Like what?

.... An addiction?

Well, you can't really tell if something's an addiction 'til you try and give it up.

And you never have.

Let me know how it goes.

Come on, why can't you say it? I was the Doctor, and I was good.

You were an exceptional Doctor, Clara.

Thank you.

Goodness had nothing to do with it.

This really is gonna happen, isn't it?

Stars implode, planets grow cold, catastrophe is the metabolism of the universe. I can fight monsters, I can't fight physics.

Why would trees want to kill us? We love trees.

You've been chopping them down for furniture for centuries. If that's love, no wonder they're calling down fire from the heavens.

But we saw the future. Lots of futures. Earth's futures.

They're about to be erased.

If you can't save them all, save what you can. TARDIS. It's a lifeboat, isn't it? Not everybody has to die.

I can save you.

I don't want you to.

What, you don't want to live?

Of course I want to live, I just--

What?

Don't make me say it.

Say what?

I don't want to be the last of my kind.

Then why did you bring us all here?

Because it's the only way to get you back to the TARDIS -- make you think you're saving someone. Well, you know what, Doctor? This time, the human race is saving you. Make it worthwhile.

This is my world, too. I walk your Earth, I breathe your air...

And on behalf of this world, you're very welcome. Now go. Save the next one.

So, trip to space, anyone?

I want my mum.

I slightly want my mum too.

Tell them, Mr. Pink, what an educational opportunity…

You… You go. This… this is enough for me.

What? Coronal ejections, geomagnetic storms, how often do you get a playlist like that?

I was a soldier. I put myself at risk. I didn't try too hard to survive but somehow, here I am. And now I can see what I nearly lost and it's enough. I don't want to see more things, I want to see the things that are in front of me more clearly. There are wonders here, Clara Oswald. Bradley saying "please", that's a wonder. One person is more amazing… harder to understand, but more amazing than universes.

Really? What person is that, then? [They kiss]

You're going to help me?

Well, why wouldn't I help you?

Because what I just did. I--

You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. You let me down!

Then why are you helping me?

Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

Hello. I hope you're well. How may I assist you with your death?

Well, there is, er, no immediate hurry. We're just, er. We're just…

Browsing.

Yeah, yeah, browsing.

Please, take all the time you need. At 3W, you always have the rest of your life.

Oh, good. That's good to know, Clara, isn't it?

Yeah. Great.

Exactly what is 3W?

Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.

Well, you know, it's just an unexpected—

[Missy lunges at the Doctor, pushing him against the wall, kissing him intently. The Doctor grabs the wall for support. Missy kisses his nose thrice and steps back.] Welcome to the 3W institute.

Clara, is it over now?

I think it's over, yeah.

You also have not received the official welcome package. [Leans in to Clara]

Oh, I'm good, thanks. No worries.

White noise off the telly. We've all heard it. A few years ago, Dr Skarosa, our founder, did something unexpected: he played that noise through a translation matrix of his own devising. This is a recording of what he heard.

Okay, people, voices…

So what?

Over time, Dr Skarosa became convinced these were the voices of the recently departed. He believed it was a telepathic communication from the dead.

Why, was he an idiot?

He was able to isolate some of the voices, hear what they were saying.

So, an idiot, then?

Shut up, Doctor.

What I'm about to play for you will change your life, and not for the better. These are the three words that caused Dr Skarosa to set up institutes like one, all over the world, to protect the dead. If you'd rather not hear these words, there's still t–

[exasperated] Can you just hurry up, please? Or I'll hit you with my shoe.

[repeating] Don't cremate me… don't cremate me…

There is one simple, horrible possibility that has never occurred to anyone throughout human history.

[horrified] Don't say it.

The dead remain conscious. The dead remain fully aware of everything that is happening to them.

You are deep inside this dream, alright. And it is a shared mental state so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically—

No! No, no, no! Line in the sand! Santa Claus does not do the scientific explanation!

Oh. As the Doctor might say, "Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy."

Why don't you just go and make a naughty list.

I have, mate, and you're on it.

Don't give me that look. You're supposed to be all warm and friendly and cheerful.

Oh yeah, look at your great bedside manner.

Don't be so hostile!

Doctor, behave.

You know what I hate about the obvious?

What?

Missing it!

The TARDIS will not be entered. The TARDIS will be destroyed.

Yeah? Well, good luck, because she's indestructible

Did the Doctor tell you that? Because you should never believe a man about a vehicle.

Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Where do you think you're going?!

Out there. Where the action is.

Look, um…

What?

Oh, this is my own fault. I like adventures as much as the next man, if the next man is a man who likes adventures. Even so, don't… Don't go native.

What do you mean? I'm not.

Look, there's a whole dimension in here (spreads his hands out, indicating the TARDIS), but there's only room for one… me.

Wait… wait a second. You just raved about ghosts like a kid who had too much sherbet.

Do you know what you need? You need a hobby.

Oh, I really don't.

Or, even better, another relationship. Come on, you lot, you're bananas about relationships. You're always writing songs about them, or go to war, or gettin' tattooed.

Doctor. I'm fine.

I just… felt that I — I had to say something.

I know, and I appreciated it.

'Cause I've got a duty of care.

(bemused) Which you take very seriously, I know.

So can I stop now?

Please. Please do.