Any complications?
A tiny bit of pancreatic leak but nothing more.
Secondary spleen?
There was, actually; and, yes sir, I was careful to leave it.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(To Adrian Pitts when he tries to flirt with her)
If you *ever* badmouth Martin Ellingham, who by the way is ten times better than you will ever be, I promise you I will be the last person that you would wanna see. In Portwenn, in Truro or anywhere. Do we understand each other?
(Martin and Louisa are in the back of a taxi. Louisa leans over and kisses Martin passionately)
I'm assuming you have a regular dental hygiene routine.
Well obviously not in the last few hours, but thank you very much - yes I have.
Well that would suggest rhinositis or gastro-oesophagal reflux.
Are you saying I've got bad breath?
I just think it would be wise to rule out any infections of the aero-digestive tract. Obviously a dietary explanation would be the happiest outcome.
(Louisa looks very offended. She gets the taxi to stop, and makes Martin get out and walk).
This is completely illogical.
SShopkeeper
It's not actually.
Would you explain it to me? Apart from anything else what criminal with half a brain would try to use that credit card anywhere in Portwenn?
SShopkeeper
I don't know. But I warranty you that will never have joy in my shop.
I can't imagine anyone finding joy in your shop.
SShopkeeper
Not if they want to use a card, Doc. Because our card machine is broken.
Right. So I'll pay you tomorrow.
SShopkeeper
Mr. and Mrs. Credit passed away. Please, don't mention their names. They really hurt.
Pauline, I can't have patients' records filed under their first names.
It was good enough in Newlyn.
Well, what kind of surgery was it? A vets?
Still a surgery.
Did Mr. Rix bring a letter from the hospital about his ribs?
I don't think so.
Perhaps it's filed under "L" for letter. Or "P" for piece of paper.
RMrs. Richards
(About her husband) Oh, sure! If I mention impetigo he'll ditch his girlfriend straight away, drive overnight from Glasgow and give our marriage one more try.
Good.
So are you going to be our new headteacher?
It's not for me to say, Peter.
Are you going to do something with the I.T. Department?
What I.T. Department?
Exactly.
(An old patient is leaving the surgery while Martin is following him to tell him the treatment to do)
Mrs. Tishell will give you the tablets. One in the morning, before the food, and one... one in the evening before going to bed. (The patient left the surgery) Or you just die. It's your decision.
Who's next?
Cameron Paris. (She shouts) Cameron Paris!
All right. He's not deaf.
PMrs. Paris
He is actually.
Well, as I have just explained to Peter, you are a, er, er, woman.
Oh. Glad you noticed.
Yeah, years of medical training.
Why doesn't anyone in this village do as I say?
(While Peter Cronk is staying with Dr Martin Ellingham, he persuades Martin to let him rent "an educational video". Later, Louisa is horrified to see that he is watching an X-rated horror film)
What are you watching? Turn it off!
Oh, but they were just about to eat the virgin's eyeballs.
Off! Martin?
He told me it was educational.
Yes, and he just said the words "virgin's eyeballs".
Is that bad?
Ten year olds don't always know what's best for them.
I did.
Yes, but you're a bit different from the rest of us.
(Speaking to a patient) Portwenn has one doctor and 966 people who know better.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doc Martin pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.