Doc Martin · Season 1
(Martin is discussing with Louisa on the spread of the impetigo because of ignoring his medical advices)
In the years that come, when the archeologists unearth the ruins of Portwenn, someone will ask the question: "How this unspeakable disaster could have?". How? Because "Miss Glasson said."
Don't forget you've got the school thing today. If Louisa Glasson gets it there's a bit of a party later at the Crab.
What happens if she doesn't?
No-one in Portwenn will talk to you.
I can live with that.
Pauline, get PC Mark Mylow on the phone. Tell him there's a dangerous dog on the loose. I want it caught and put to sleep.
Put to sleep?
Destroyed, Pauline. Killed. Sent to that big doggy basket in the sky.
If you had enough time to improve equal opportunity policy, where would you start?
(Thinks, sips water, thinks some more, sips again)
More to the point: how long would it take you?
(To the dog)Get out!
Where do you live?
You know... The Moor.
Can you give me his phone number then, please?
No. Don't have it.
Remind me what your job is again?
He didn't leave a number. He left in a rush, looking like a frightened rabbit. Like all your patients, actually.
(The butcher has been having another medication different to the prescripted one by Martin)
It's Ok. They're herbal. You know, natural.
One thing is natural but doesn't mean it's safe. Poison ivy is natural. You wouldn't take it. Do you?
No. It gets "poison" on the toil.
Martin. About this morning...
What? About your visit to the snake charmer?
I'm sorry you've closed your mind to alternative medicine. But you know that can be effective sometimes.
Frequently is, but unfortunately for my patients with this woman it's a lottery.
(Sandra Mylow has been handing out herbal remedies without even seeing her patients)
These can contain high levels of mercury, which given to somebody already suffering from a degree of psychosis, the effects can be catastrophic.
I didn't realise she was that ill.
Hadn't it struck you when she visited your clinic?
She seemed fine.
She didn't seem anything. You've never met her. Doreen Flint left this area eight years ago.
I saw her husband.
Right. Who for the last eight years has been under the delusion that he is both Victor and Doreen Flint in one body.
(Gobsmacked) Oh.
There is a reason why we insist on seeing patients before prescribing a course of treatment. It's called "good practice".
People feel comfortable when they come and see me, which is more than I can say for you.
The minute I start handing out treatments left right and centre to people I've never met, please feel free to call me a stupid arrogant unqualified charlatan!
And you reckon these will work, do you?
No - I just prescribe them for fun.
(Martin is questioning Julie about familiar diseases)
Doctor. I came here to register.
That's what I'm doing.
At the library I get a card in five minutes.
Congratulations. If you get smallpox I'm sure that a good book will great comfort you.
(Caroline has parked her car so it is sticking out into the road)
I wouldn't park there, love, if I were you.
(Angrily) Really? And if I were you, I wouldn't come out in daylight, love.
(Martin thinks that Caroline might have become an alcoholic)
I don't drink any more than anybody else.
Do you ever find yourself drinking first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get over a hangover?
No! Certainly not!
Do you often find yourself get annoyed with people who observe or criticise your drinking?
(Angrily) That's it! I've had enough! Who the hell do you think you are asking inappropriate questions about something I have not even consulted you about?
So that's a "yes", then, is it?
All right, Caroline, I'm going to give you an injection.
(Gets down on one knee, hands clasped together) I'm saying a prayer for you, Caroline.
(Eyeing Danny) It's a little prick.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doc Martin pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
