Has your son been jabbed for TB?
AOAnthony Oakwood
Have we let someone inject him full of poison? Well, strangely no.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(Earlier in the day, Martin caught Auntie Joan and Edward making love in her kitchen. He left quickly, in disgust and embarrassment. Now Joan has come to see Martin)
If you have a problem with my relationship, let's talk about it.
Sex on the kitchen table with a man fifty years your junior does not qualify as a real relationship.
I'm going to continue to see Edward. It won't last forever and it certainly isn't true love, but it's what I want. So get used to it!
(She storms off)
(Shouting after her) Osteoporosis and sexual intercourse on kitchen tables don't mix!
(At the concert, a waitress offers Martin and Louisa a tray of canapés)
Not for me, thanks. Salmonella en croute, made yesterday by unwashed strangers - no thank you!
(After the concert, Louisa leads Martin into the woods. They kiss passionately)
You're very emotional, Louisa. Are you wearing perfume? Is it sandalwood?
No, it's kenzo flower.
I wondered whether it was pheromones. Androstenone 5 has a sort of sandalwood odour - faintly urine-like, if you prefer. It's the pheromone associated with the onset of the menstrual cycle. And it's often accompanied by mood swings.
Urine-like?
It's only faint. Am I right?
A woman doesn't have to be getting her period to be a bit emotional.
(Louisa walks off in a huff)
(Louisa's bedroom. Martin is visiting Holly, who had an accident at the harbour the day before and spent the night there. During the visit Martin begins to show a bedside manner, action misunderstandable for Louisa)
What are you doing? You are paint weird with Holly.
I'm not paint weird.
Yes, you are. You are being smarmy.
(Angrily) I'm not being smarmy. I'm helping your horrible friend! What do you want me to do?
(Holly asks a pillow, interrupting the conversation between Martin and Louisa)
(Martin finishes the visit to Holly. Louisa follows him downstairs to talk to him)
OK. So, what was wrong with that?
With what?
When I was being congenial. Why do you always find fault?
Me?
Yes, you! I don't think you know what you want.
Was it for me?
Well...
It's not good acting nice, Martin. You've got to want to.
Why?! (He leaves Louisa's house slamming the door)
Three weeks?
Three weeks. The vicar had a cancellation. You think that it's too soon, do you?
No. Do you think that it's too soon?
No. We want to get married. Why to wait?
I've got you something.
Oh, thank you.
(Shows a box of anti-snoring strips)It'll help you with your snoring.
I don't snore.
Yes, you do.
No.
IIsobel
I'm going to have a natural birth - none of those icky drugs, or anything.
God forbid you should use "icky drugs" when you could experience the excruciating agony of childbirth in the raw.
GSGirl Student
(With pencil sticking out of her head) It's my favorite pencil.
You're a dog trainer?
BCBarbara Collingsworth
Dog psychologist. It's all the same, really. Simply a matter of rewiring the brain.
Restrain that animal, or analyze its unhappy childhood.
Married?
Not long enough for there to be any permanent damage.
It wasn't hard to find you, Ellingham. I just followed the trail of outraged people.
What you did was deeply patronizing and violated protocol. I'd expect nothing less.
(Talking about her brother whose snoring is keeping her awake at nights)
They shouldn't have kicked him out of the Army for snoring. They should have kept him in and used him as a weapon of mass destruction.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doc Martin pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.