Death in Paradise · Season 1
Hot stones, sauna, they're virtually sauteed, then they lie out in the sun, which basically amounts to grilling. Why don't they just go the whole hog and pop themselves in the microwave?
Have you finished?
Sorry, was I ranting?
Yes.
Well, quite frankly, Camille, some things qualify for a rant. I'm not sure what the exact criterion is, but I'm pretty sure it'd include holding a stranger's nipple in place while someone else sews it on!
Can I ask where you were last night?
I was here.
Alone?
No. I telephoned Beyonce, she came over and we had a wild night of hot, passionate sex.
I see, and this Beyonce can vouch for that, can she?
[Later, outside]
I can't believe you don't know who Beyonce is!
Why people can't just give a simple answer to a simple question, I'll never know.
[as Richard prepares to photograph a crime scene, the sun ducks behind a cloud]
Oh, for God... [skyward, close to screaming] 300 days a year you shine ten hours a day, and the one time I actually want you to shine, YOU GO IN!
[The sun comes out. Richard photographs the scene, then looks skyward again.]
[politely] Thank you.
[regarding his shrimp cocktail] You know, I could swear this lot are still alive. See, that one just winked at me.
You know, bizarrely, I'm the only one who never met Richard Poole. But during this case, I-I feel as if I've got to know him, a little - mostly by the effect he had on those around him. But it seems we all forgot one very crucial thing: he was a detective, a good one. Now I think he made a discovery, had a theory about what he discovered, and then sent home for evidence to corroborate that theory. And in doing so, he has, in essence, solved his own murder.
[Humphrey is digging on the beach, alone, while the rest of the team watches.]
He said he didn't need any help.
Oh, he needs help, all right.
Just wait and see, Dwayne. There's a method to his madness. [pause] Not that I'm saying he isn't mad...
[Humphrey lets out a triumphant yell.]
No way.
Found it!
[They all rush over.]
What is it?
One minute, just hold on... [pulls a bag out of the sand, falling backwards onto the beach] ...and you'll be able to see!
Yeah, we saw that.
How the hell did you know that was there?
Oh, come on! You all knew there was a bag buried on the beach, you must have done.
Sure. [rolls her eyes]
[hands it to Fidel] Go on, officer, open it.
No, no, no, you do it, sir.
Oh, I don't need to. I already know what's in it.
[Humphrey walks off. Camille and Dwayne immediately crowd Fidel.]
Open it up-!
Hold on...!
[They all look inside, then look back at Humphrey in amazement.]
[gleefully, to Dwayne] Method to the madness!
[at the conclusion of the case, the team celebrates at Catherine's bar; Dwayne brings a whole ice bucket filled with beers to the table.]
Man alive, that is what I call getting a round in!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Death in Paradise pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
