Det. Sgt. Camille BordeyI am a detective sergeant in the Sainte-Marie Police Force. I graduated top of my year. I have three commendations for bravery. I have been shot twice and I could almost certainly beat you in a fist fight. Whereas you, you are a rude man! You are ignorant, full of your own self-importance, expecting everyone to follow you around and hang on your every word? From now on, you treat me with a little more respect, or I'll be forced to forget I'm a police officer. Okay?
Camille
Nicholas Dunham is a killer.
You can't possibly know that.
Camille
Intuition.
Oh, great. Why don't we just go the whole hog, you know? I'll take my clothes off, you light the fire.
[a passer-by gives Camille a funny look]
Camille
[hastily] He's English!
Camille Bordey
[about Richard's new rowboat, christened the "Roast Beef"] Well, are you going to give her a test?
What, out there on the sea?
Camille Bordey
[sarcastic] No, no, on the road.
No sign of Solly having fired the gun.
Camille
Correct.
I knew it. Well, I suspected it. (Gives Camille the paper) So we can definitely rule out suicide. Solly's death was murder. I think we should-- (Screams at something on his chair)
Camille
(laughs as Richard pulls a toy snake off his chair) Oh, wow! Very immature. I'll have words with whoever did that!
There's only you and me here.
Camille
Well, I'm sorry, sir. You were saying...
Ask Curtis about his snake. (Throws the toy snake at Camille, who dodges to the side) And why it ended up in my bungalow.
Well, imagine you're taking a midnight swim and I decide to drown you. What do you do?
[He puts his hands on Camille's shoulders. She grabs his arm and twists it behind his back.]
[screams in pain, then calms down] Okay, let me rephrase that. You're not a trained police officer.
Camille Bordey
I'm not?
No, you're a depressed woman... [straining] with no apparent aptitude for self-defence!
Camille Bordey
Oh. Okay, all right. [releases him]
Hot stones, sauna, they're virtually sauteed, then they lie out in the sun, which basically amounts to grilling. Why don't they just go the whole hog and pop themselves in the microwave?
Camille Bordey
Have you finished?
Camille Bordey
Yes.
Well, quite frankly, Camille, some things qualify for a rant. I'm not sure what the exact criterion is, but I'm pretty sure it'd include holding a stranger's nipple in place while someone else sews it on!
Can I ask where you were last night?
JMJoel Maurice
I was here.
JMJoel Maurice
No. I telephoned Beyonce, she came over and we had a wild night of hot, passionate sex.
I see, and this Beyonce can vouch for that, can she?
[Later, outside]
Camille Bordey
I can't believe you don't know who Beyonce is!
Why people can't just give a simple answer to a simple question, I'll never know.
[Humphrey is digging on the beach, alone, while the rest of the team watches.]
Camille
He said he didn't need any help.
DDwayne
Oh, he needs help, all right.
FFidel
Just wait and see, Dwayne. There's a method to his madness. [pause] Not that I'm saying he isn't mad...
[Humphrey lets out a triumphant yell.]
[They all rush over.]
Camille
What is it?
One minute, just hold on... [pulls a bag out of the sand, falling backwards onto the beach] ...and you'll be able to see!
Camille
Yeah, we saw that.
DDwayne
How the hell did you know that was there?
Oh, come on! You all knew there was a bag buried on the beach, you must have done.
Camille
Sure. [rolls her eyes]
[hands it to Fidel] Go on, officer, open it.
FFidel
No, no, no, you do it, sir.
Oh, I don't need to. I already know what's in it.
[Humphrey walks off. Camille and Dwayne immediately crowd Fidel.]
[They all look inside, then look back at Humphrey in amazement.]
FFidel
[gleefully, to Dwayne] Method to the madness!
Death in Paradise · 22 quotes
