Horsemen come to camp by torchlight last night.
Tell Al as we didn't wake to the apocalypse, I suppose all we need fear is their Winchesters.
S3Amateur Night
MMorgan
They have their fuckin' fun with you, and in the morning, they treat you like dirt.
WWyatt
[chuckles] And you a fucking virgin...
MMorgan
No, and not pretending to be.
WWyatt
...to be wounded by her callous ways.
MMorgan
All I'm saying is she could have been nicer, and those steerers more fuckin' polite.
Washington harasses us for our difficulties in distribution to the Indians, thereby distracting the nation at large from Washington's own fiscal turpitudes and miasms.
There amongst the turpitudes and miasms, you got caught stealing the money.
The money was not stolen. There was an amount of siphoning off and certain irregularlities.
Sounds like it was regular as milking Bessie, 96¢ on the dollar.
Rank exaggeration.
If it was less than 90, you fucked generations of Indian agents to come.
Get out of my fucking light.
It's me.
Who is me? The fucking eclipse?
Mose Manuel.
Oh, really? I thought it -- it was Giganto, the runaway circus elephant.
Miss Stubbs has been looking for you. Those kids need chaperoning to the new schoolhouse, Jane. [Jane turns away and puts her hands to her ears, shutting her eyes.] Get up and walk them kids.
Okay, Giganto! Don't tusk me to death with your tusks. [steadies herself, sheathing her gun] How long do I have to assemble myself?
They'll be ready to go in a few minutes.
Shut up.
S3A Constant Throb
Elections cannot inconvenience me. They ratify my will or I neuter them.
Perhaps then, rather, at this moment--having had in fact no connection to the regrettable incident involving Mrs. Ellsworth--you are Socrates to my Alcibiades, taking it upon yourself to edify me?
Are you saying you want to fuck me?
[confused] What?
Well, you keep calling yourself Alcibiades to my Socrates. Are you proposing some sort of a homosexual connection between us?
I'd forgot that part of the story.
Tell E.B. nothing.
RRichardson
I'll just keep quiet.
No. Tell E.B. nothing's going on and then tell him, "If I wanted to tell you anything, I'd have told you. Don't send the imbecile over with no more notes."
RRichardson
I can't remember all that.
Can you remember "Nothing's going on"?
RRichardson
Yes.
Tell him that, then.
Have you smelt human flesh on the spit?
How would I have?
I know the smell.
You have been to and fro in the world.
It pleased me to find out.
How well do you know the other guy?
PPinkerton
Who would that be?
That my man Dority killed. The Captain.
PPinkerton
We served in the 69th in New York.
Was that a mick regiment?
PPinkerton
Yeah. What were you doing?
Cutting throats.
PPinkerton
I was asking whose flag you were under.
The famous cocksuckers brigade.
PPinkerton
Is that so?
Command of the all-whore detachment. Distress you, when my man downed your friend?
PPinkerton
Let me tell you something, Mr. Swearengen. You don't scare me, and you don't fucking know what happened with the 69th New York. I will tell you this: I didn't like what happened to Joe Turner. Mr. Hearst came to him and said, "Make it last, even if you gain the upper hand and can kill him." And I think that was halfway selfish of Mr. Hearst, whereas Joe could have killed your man and didn't, and look how it wound up. But that's as much as I feel like saying, and that's neither here nor fucking there.
S3The Catbird Seat
Knowing him for an errant maniac, I'll still not believe Bullock doubts me.
[reading a telegram from Hawkeye] "23 men hired, all on our way." This squaw-fuckin' idiot. Proves in eight words he's incompetent and a fuckin' liar. He can't have got Adams' telegram more than four hours ago, yet he expects me to believe that in four hours he can prudently assess the qualities of 23 hires. And you know what "on our way" means, huh?
No.
"On our way" means they're getting drunk and blown in some saloon in Cheyenne and running their mouths about the big fuckin' filibustering expedition they're being commissioned for under the command of the famous Hawkeye; the laziest, most shit-faced whore-mongering cocksucker to ever piss my money away!
The man I once was, Al, was not formidable, and I am but his shadow now. And yet I'd be put to use. A decoy, perhaps. A weight to drop on villains from above.
I oughtn't to work in these places. I was not born to crush my own kind.
[to his whores, pointing at a sleeping man] Rouse him to spend on pussy, or rob the son of a bitch.
S3Tell Him Something Pretty
When he ain't lyin', Al's the most honourable man you'll ever meet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Deadwood pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.