Good question. A city like New York where everything's moving all the time at this constant driving pace, right? It's like a living organism breathing and changing, and over time your relationship to it becomes like this incredible romance, you know? At first, it's intoxicating, irresistible, and then slowly it becomes comfortable and safe. You have this cellular connection to it, as if you've known each other forever, like your oldest happiness, and sometimes you're on the outs, and sometimes you're making up, and every now and then you catch yourself in this transcendent moment where you think to yourself, "oh, my god, I'm madly in love with you, and I always will be." And I think that's when it surprises me.
I want to make love to you so much. So much. And I really believe that that was why we came here, but it's not. I guess just as much as I want you and I love you, we're not gonna do this.
Because when we go there, it's not gonna be because you have something to prove to yourself. It's gonna be because we love each other, and because we're prepared to show each other what that really means.
I still have my distortions and my delusions. I still think that everything should be perfect, and that Joey and I should have slept together for the first time. What I realized is that I gotta let go. You know, it's time. And there's so much ahead of me. I mean, there's college, there's... there's this new baby... and there's you.
You knew, didn't you? Oh, god, all this time. My life got uglier and messier, and then you sent me away. You... you made me feel ashamed. You... you punished me for all these things that were beyond my control. You saw me standing in the doorway. Ohh! And you never said anything. I wasn't...
No. I don't need a confession from you. That's not why I came here. I don't need you to apologize to me for all the pain that you've caused me, and I don't have to forgive you. All I have to do is forgive myself for these things that I can't change. Good-bye, daddy.
