HHetson
Ok, kiddies, knock back your Ritalin and settle down. You may recall, we were wrapping up a rather depraved discussion of Portnoy's Complaint last week. Sadly, we won't be dabbling in Roth's stream-of-consciousness sexual rivers much longer, but fate assigned us some additional reading last night via e-mail. I think you all got a copy, so why not? Let's discuss something you actually might've read. "Dear Dawson, I don't know where to begin."
JoeyUh, professor Heston—
HHetson
Nobody likes a show-off, Potter. You don't reach a point for several paragraphs, so I'll skip ahead. "In the moment when we touched, maybe we went somewhere else that rose above all this, but then we landed, and I think maybe we crashed." [Class laughs] Why, when broaching the topic of sex, do so many writers try to write themselves out of it? Sexuality and all its dysfunctions are intrinsic to the human experience, maybe the one thing we can all relate to at the end of the day-- well, neurosis and the god thing aside. And the reason that Roth seduced us and Miss Morning After here didn't is that while Roth isn't afraid to get his hands quite literally dirty with rapid-fire sensual description, our e-mail author here distances herself from the act with vague metaphors. Can't be stream of consciousness if you're observing from the shores... right?
Joey
You know, maybe-- and this is just a shot in the dark-- she didn't mean to send it to the gossips at large. Maybe she's just trying to get some private closure, never dreamed she'd be subjected to the Oprah psychobabble of her life-lacking peers. Now, do you guys want something to eat, or should I just bring over a nice tray of bon-bons so you guys can hunker down and watch your stories?
HHetson
Oh, it's so nice to see you, Potter. Hope our pesky class didn't interfere with your all-important e-mail schedule. Whip out another diatribe last night?
Joey
Actually, I did. I was hoping this was it. Did you guys not get it?
HHetson
Oh, this is actually a copy of the article that I assigned to follow up the reading. I know your mini-drama probably prevented you from even looking at the syllabus.
Joey
Well, most of yesterday consisted of eviscerating my personal life, and every other lesson is a rant composed of your dated theories. I'm sorry I'm late, professor Heston, but the first half of class is usually when you reveal how bitter you are, how moronic we are, and how literature is dead. Were you thinking of moving on to something slightly more stimulating today?
HHetson
Well, I-- I think we've been spending too much time together, Potter, if that's your attitude. I mean, I was thinking of teaching today, but I don't know if I've got a lot to offer, what with the tenure and the published articles and all. But if you all insist on being stimulated, why don't we discuss James Joyce’s description of the girl on the beach. I mean, I'm too hackneyed to illuminate the subject, but maybe you can shed some light.
This celebration of madness about people who aren't afraid, who take chances, people who really live. And I guess that I've always... wanted to be one of those people, you know?
[Joey kisses him]
Joey
Just following an impulse.
I don't mind you kissing me if it's because you want to kiss me, not for revenge or to help you forget someone else. Whatever happened between you guys, you're gonna have to deal with it. Yourself. Just... just you.
Joey
Audrey! Lay off.
What's your problem, princess? I was sticking up for Joe Dirt over there.
Oh, this isn't going to end well.
Would you shut up, Pacey?
You're out of line, Audrey.
Of course I am. Anyone messes with the one that got away and you get all up on your high horse, don't you?
Oh, excellent, another party heard from. What's your problem, Lindley?
I think you're the one with the problem.
Oh! How devilishly clever of you, Jen. [Pause] Oh, honey, are you still upset that I shagged your dream boy, because I am sorry about that.
What are you even doing here?
I missed my flight, bitch! Which is really, terribly unfortunate, because if you think that spending Christmas on Walton Mountain is my idea of a good time, than you all are about as high as I am right now.
Audrey? Why don't you go lie down?
Oh, you know, thanks for that Gail, really, but I think I'm kinda just getting started here. Do any of you have have any idea how hypocritical this whole little gathering is? I mean, I'd be flying high on a pleasingly potent cocktail of vodka and painkillers and thank you, by the way, Gail, for the painkillers. But I seem to be seeing things a little clearer than-than any of you. Dawson. Pacey. You guys hate each other, don't you? You're never going to-to be able to mend this little rift that exists between the two of you, so-so why do you even bother with the charade? And Dawson and Joey. [Laughs] Here you are, both of you, all grown-up and so very pleased with yourselves and each with your little significant other by your side respectively and while I will give you that it does make for a pretty picture, the truth of the matter is that you guys finally slept together and you've never really dealt with it. And neither of you are going to be able to have a relationship with anyone else till you finally just deal with your crap once and for all. And...as for you, Pacey, I'm really sorry that Audrey Hepburn next to you broke your heart all those years ago and has prevented you from ever fully committing to an adult relationship...but you know what? Just grow up.
Joey
Oh. I forgot. You're still not over me.
Joey
Oh, remember? Christmas dinner from hell? That was one of Audrey's enlightened comments, you're still not over me.
Joey
That must suck.
Oh, it does. You have no idea the hardships I go through trying to maintain a friendship with a dream girl such as yourself. You have no idea.
Joey
Gets lonely?
It does. I cry myself to sleep every night, but Jack and I cuddle. That eases the pain. He's very loving. [they both laugh]
But I'm glad you had a good time, you deserved it. And you are a lovely and wise drunk, Miss Potter. [Pause. Then Pacey leans toward Joey] What you said earlier was right. I never did. How could I? Just look at you.
Joey
You know what else we never did? [After a pause, Joey kisses him then lays back down on the bed.] Your turn now. [Pacey smiles and kisses her forehead]
Ok, let’s...just... take a little time out, because you and I... we're not actually having this conversation.
Joey
Oh, why? 'Cause you don't want to talk about sex with me?
Ha! Do you want to talk about sex with me?
Joey
Well, no, but... I usually don't want to talk about sex with anybody.
Thank you for proving my point. Now, if we could move on, I think our night will be much, much more pleasant.
Joey
After you tell me why you don't want to talk about sex with me.
All right, one would think this would be obvious, but fine. Perhaps it has something to do with how calm and cool and non-judgmental you are about the whole thing.
Joey
Oh, you know what? I don't approve. Ok? There. I said it. And I refuse to sit here and pretend like this is all just fine, 'cause it's ridiculous.
Do you hear yourself? You can't help it! This is why we don't talk about sex. It's actually the secret to our entire friendship.
Joey
You've lost me in your sea of pronouns.
Well, ok. We are friends. Right?
Joey
Yes.
So what is the secret to our long-lasting and angst-free friendship? What is the one thing that keeps it going year after year after year after year?
Joey
We suck at meeting new people.
Wrong. We do not, under any circumstance, talk about sex. I may be having it, you may be thinking about having it, but we don't discuss it. That way we avoid the awkwardness, and in avoiding the awkwardness, we are able to maintain our friendship. You see, it's a preventative measure. I solved the problem before it even starts.
Joey
But, Pacey...if we're such good friends, why is there any awkwardness in the first place?
Because not too long ago, we were more than just good friends, now, weren't we?
Joey
Yeah, but we're not anymore.
But that doesn't matter. The damage is already done.
Joey
What, so as far as you're concerned, I slept with you, and then I took myself in and got revirginized?
...
Joey
Ok, so basically what you're saying is that the only way you and I can continue being friends is if we lie to each other about our sex lives... if we take that whole giant aspect of our lives and just... pretend like it doesn't exist?
Worked for you and Dawson.
Dawson's Creek · 557 quotes
