No one's sure just why I flap. Half the police force think I'm a crook, and the other half hate my hat!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
BBlunt
The sand came from here, in the Salad Sea.
There must be a thousand islands there!
[dismayed] He drew on my map.
RTRandom Thug
Never let an embezzler keep score.
The jig is up, you jaded, jug-headed jack-in-the-box!
BBinketh
Hello, strangers! From whence do you hail?
What would you say if I told you we were from 700 years in the future?
BBinketh
I would say you were an evil warlock and should be burned at the stake.
[laughs nervously] We're from Sweden.
I am the mighty Darkwing Duck, and I pity the poor fool who stands in my way!
Men, a sword!
[Darkwing gets buried in a pile of swords]
[wheezes] Men, a tourniquet!
[sarcastically] Oh, like we didn't know that. Let me out! I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle!
Ooh! Aren't we sounding folksy.
But traveling through time can put a hole in the space time continuum, wreak havoc in history and alternatively change the past, present, AND FUTURE FOREVER! Actually, it sounds kinda fun!
DDDarkwarrior Duck
I am the terror that hunts in the night! I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones! [he fires near the 'perpetrator' and singsongs] I'm not finished. [normal again] I am... Darkwarrior Duck! Maybe a year in the pen will teach you to use a crosswalk, jaywalker!
[shocked] Dad?!
[nervously] He does that to jaywalkers? [as Mr. Banana Brain] And you thought your insurance premiums were high now.
[nervously] What would he do to real criminals?
[as Mr. Banana Brain] Let's not stick around to find out, scout! [normal voice] Back to the Time Top!
[They rush back to the Time Top. Meanwhile, Gosalyn looks on nervously as Darkwarrior fires multiple missiles at the innocent citizen.]
Maybe Dad's just having a bad day. [winces at the explosions] A really bad day...
DDDarkwarrior Duck
A stint a solitary oughta teach him some respect for traffic laws!
CCitizen
But-but-but, what about my right to a trial?
DDDarkwarrior Duck
[grabs him by the collar, angrily] Are you saying a jury wouldn't TAKE MY WORD?!
CCitizen
[frightened] N-no, sir! Not at all, sir!
[Darkwarrior's robot minion takes him away to prison. Another one of his robots approaches him with a report.]
DDDarkwarrior Drone Robot
Subject with bad haircut reported at corner of Lankershim and Magnolia.
DDDarkwarrior Duck
So, another criminal coiffure endangering the sensibilities of decent citizens! And I bet he has dandruff, too.
[He jumps back inside his tank and drives off, with his robots escorting him. Gosalyn tries to get his attention.]
Wait, Dad! It's me!
[Neither Darkwarrior nor his robots hear her as they continue driving to the distance, much to her disappointment. Meanwhile, back with Megavolt and Quackerjack...]
[panting] That duck's even crazier than we are!
[Suddenly, to the shock of the two supervillains, they see Darkwarrior's robot minions surrounding the Time Top, then one of them turns around to confront Megavolt and Quackerjack.]
DDDarkwarrior Drone Robot
Extreme parking violation. Darkwarrior civil code requires impounding vechicle and incarcerating guilty parties!
[pointing at Quackerjack] He did it! He did it! I was only a passenger! He was driving!
Nonsense! [stuttering nervously] I-I couldn't possibly drive! [The drones surround both him and Megavolt.] I-I don't have a license!
[Mr. Banana Brain pops out.]
BBMr. Banana Brain
They're both guilty, but I was taken against my will!
[The robots grab the two supervillains and take them and the Time Top to prison.]
[to Megavolt] You blamed me! How could you possibly blame me?!
Well, it's because it's your fault, fly boy!
[Next scene, Gosalyn is making her way to the Darkwing Tower.]
Boy, Dad needs a major attitude adjustment. He sounds more like a bad guy than a good guy. [Once she reaches the tower, she finds, to her surprise, that the tower is mostly abandoned. She gasps] What?! Where'd everything go?! [She then finds Launchpad working on a car.] Launchpad!
[She pulls him out from underneath the car. His beak moves for a bit as he rubs his head, then sees Gosalyn.]
[happily] Gosalyn!
[They hug.]
Oh, it sure is good to see a friendly face.
I'm not a sidekick anymore... all because I said criminals should be tried before sending them to the electric chair!
Now, what's going on around here? The city looks like it's just been washed and waxed, the streets are deserted, and Dad's acting like Nobrain the barbarian. Boy, I slip away for a couple of decades, and the whole town goes down the tubes!
I'm not afraid of your old gas gun!
DDDarkwarrior Duck
Gas gun!? I haven't used a gas gun in years!
I don't know where you went, but you'll be sorry you came back! [Megavolt and Quackerjack scream and faint as they fall back inside the Time Top. Gosalyn pops out, causing the masked mallard to become angry with her.] Gosalyn!
Darkwarrior?
Oh, perfect, gone five minutes and my own daughter forgets my name. Just like she forgot she was supposed to stay in the Ratcatcher.
[looks down, happily] Launchpad!
Don't change the subject. I have had it with you, young lady. You are grounded for a month.
No problem, Dad. That kind of justice I can handle. [hugs him]
Now don't argue with me. I-[looks slightly confused, hugs Gosalyn back]
Stress Busters says "You should accept the things you cannot change." ....Or is that "Change the things you can't accept"?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Darkwing Duck pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.